


fearless with you

by jammeynjelly1903



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, AsaNoya - Freeform, Asahi Is Whipped, Asahi is oblivious, Asanoya Week 2020 (Haikyuu!!), Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu Fluff, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nishinoya is obvious, Piggyback Rides, Sawamura Daichi is So Done, Sugawara is a little shit, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kagehina if you squint, side daisuga, so much fluff it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jammeynjelly1903/pseuds/jammeynjelly1903
Summary: When he turns back to Nishinoya and sees the libero already looking at him, shimmering russet eyes focused on him and only him, Asahi thinks that he might have just fallen in love._____Azumane Asahi is afraid of most things, and while his appearance doesn't give away just how soft his heart is, a certain starry eyed libero certainly does. And just like "most things", Asahi is pretty scared of that, too.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 24
Kudos: 73





	1. Fearless...

**Author's Note:**

> a very, very huge thanks to the beta reader/editor for chapter one @adashofinspiration :) your help was very appreciated!

“N-Nishinoya,” Asahi laughs sheepishly, a sheen of sweat on the nape of his neck from a long day of practicing. The sun has set by now and as much as Asahi loves his team, frankly, he’d like to go home now. However, the small libero who stood only a few feet from him seemed to have the exact opposite wish. “Come on, just take the photo so we can go home.” 

The stubborn second-year huffs and crosses his arms, “I can’t hear people higher than my field of vision.” 

_‘This again,’_ Asahi thinks as he groans softly.

“Asahi, just sit down if it’ll make him happy.” Daichi says with a yawn as he helps Sugawara put the brooms in the storage closet. 

Nishinoya Yuu may be stubborn, but Asahi can have his moments, too. Unfortunately for them all, this just so happens to be one of them.

“It’s just a picture.” Asahi says, feigning annoyance. Nishinoya’s scrunched face falls as he lets out an unnecessary whine. 

“Asahi-san,” He pouts, obviously reverting to a different tactic, one he knows the ace isn’t as resistant too. “Please? Just let me be the tall one for once.”

With a snort, Asahi shakes his head, “I’m not sitting down just so you can be taller.”

He wants to make a small joke about how the hyper boy should most likely give up on getting any taller, but he knows if he did, they’d be there for hours bickering about it. It’s happened before. Nishinoya stares at him with determined eyes, the type that scream _‘I won’t change my mind.’_ Asahi doesn’t doubt it.

“N-No.” Asahi says hesitantly before Nishinoya can demand it again. He turns his back to the libero. He’s sure the boys tantalizing puppy-eyes will undoubtedly win him over if he stares any longer. He knows his own limits. 

“Fine,” Nishinoya says, and it takes Asahi a moment to process that he’s agreeing.

‘ _He’s giving up?’_ The ace thinks to himself and a moment of silence follows before he hears Nishinoya’s voice again.

“How about instead, you let me climb onto your back! That way, we’ll both be the same height!” 

Asahi sputters and laughs more nervously than he should’ve. “W-What? That-- No--ack!” 

Nishinoya is jumping on him before he can protest any further. The small libero isn’t heavy in the slightest, but the unexpected collision sends Asahi stumbling forward, a small yelp as he attempts to station himself before they both fall onto the gym floor. Nishinoya’s arms are wrapped tight over his shoulders. Loud laughter floods his ears as Nishinoya shifts around to get comfortable. 

“Nishinoya!” Asahi chokes out, a small laugh hidden in it as he feels the libero’s chest pressed against his back. Asahi’s hands quickly reach up and hold the underside of his thighs to keep him from falling off. 

“Wow!” Nishinoya laughs, Asahi winces at the volume so close to his ear, but he smiles soon after. “This is how tall people see?!”

“P-Please take the picture, before I drop you.” Asahi warns hesitantly. He knows he’d carry Nishinoya around all day if that’s what he wanted, but he’s sure if the boy heard that, he’d demand to be carried at all times; so for the sake of Asahi’s back (and dignity), he keeps the words to himself. 

“You know you wouldn't actually let me fall,” Nishinoya giggles and digs into his back pocket to grab his phone. 

“Yeah,” Asahi says softly, Nishinoya holds the phone up in front of them, front camera centered and ready. “I wouldn’t.” 

Nishinoya finally takes the photo, or, _photos_ in this case; considering the boy took so many of them that Asahi lost count after ten. Nishinoya grins, holds onto Asahi tighter as he looks them over. 

“Let me guess,” Asahi sighs with a chuckle, “you’re not getting down?”

“Nope!” Nishinoya says brightly. He should’ve expected that much, and he no longer has the energy to bicker with the ball of energy that clings to him, so he doesn’t bother. 

“Fine, but you’re carrying both of our bags.” 

* * *

“He’s asleep,” Asahi says to himself, hearing the libero’s snores from his left shoulder. He walks carefully down the walkway that would eventually lead to Nishinoya’s house. His arms loosely droop over the ace’s shoulders, he’s a little heavier now, but not by much. Asahi just smiles softly. “Of course he is.” 

He snickers to himself a little and walks the rest of the way in silence. 

* * *

“Azumane-san!” Kageyama calls out as he sets the ball into the air. Asahi shuffles back a few steps and pushes his tired legs forward once more. It’s the sixth practice match in a row and he’s starting to think he might be at his limit. 

“Break through! Ace!” He hears the faint voice of Nishinoya yell from behind him. He jumps as high as his legs will allow, reels his arm as far as it will go, and slams the ball through the guarding arms of the three blockers. It crashes to the ground with a loud smack.

“Yes!” He hears his teammates yell as the whistle goes off, their point card flips up to 25 and Asahi feels the familiar sensation of scoring the winning point bubble up in him. With the new first-year duo, it’s not often he’s the one to secure the game. He likes moments like this, and appreciates them more than he did before. 

Not to mention, a part of him does enjoy the praise.

“Nice kill! Asahi!” Daichi cheers as they pound appreciative hands on his back. He’s not all the way in the game today, a rough week for exams and not nearly enough sleep has him wanting to pass out on the bus ride back to Karasuno. Unfortunately, he still has a twenty minute walk home and a shower waiting for him once he steps off the bus, so there’s no point in falling asleep just yet. 

“Asahi-san!” A voice that’s much too energetic calls to him. He turns his head over the seats and sees a glowing Nishinoya Yuu. It’s late, the sun is setting, and apparently the last few rays of light just _had_ to coruscate in the boy’s brown eyes. “Good job today!” 

Asahi smiles at the compliment, he’s used to Nishinoya being the first to wish him a job well done, he hadn’t realized he was waiting for it until now. 

“Really? T-Thanks. I was getting tired near the end, I probably could’ve done better in that final second set, too.” He says sheepishly, always one to be hard on himself. And yeah, he _could_ have done better in that final second set. He’d sloppily received the ball more times than he could count, not to mention all of his out-of-bounds serves.

“No, no, really!” Nishinoya laughs, smiling eyes brighter than the sun, “you did great!” 

Asahi takes his word for it. He still thinks he could’ve done better, in his own opinion; but if Nishinoya Yuu is telling him he did a great job today, then he did a great job today. 

“Thanks, Noya.” Asahi says with a tired smile. Warm tawny eyes shimmer in his direction, he has to look away before his blush becomes any more noticeable. He’s too tired for those thoughts right now. He settles down in his seat and absent-mindedly listens to the chattering bus windows as they drive. 

He thinks he could use a year-long nap after today. He’s leaning against the club-room door waiting for Daichi to finish changing when suddenly he’s being pushed forward. He yelps loudly in confusion, feeling arms wrap around his shoulders. His thighs ache and there’s a knot threatening to form in his calves if he doesn’t stand tall. 

“Asahi-san!” Nishinoya says brightly. A cherry-red blush dusts the ace’s face. Someone would’ve thought Nishinoya hadn’t seen Asahi in days with how loud he is. 

“U-Uh… N-Noya,” Asahi chuckles, a yawn follows right after and he feels Nishinoya’s hair brushing against his jaw, face red as the boy hugs tight to his back, “how do you have so much energy?” 

Daichi pauses from changing and smiles at them, Asahi doesn’t even bother to try and figure out why. He wishes he could be half as zestful as his teammate is right now. Even though the libero isn’t heavy, Asahi still has a hard time making it down the club-room steps with him on his back. 

“Carry me home again?” Nishinoya asks, voice far too close to Asahi’s ear, he can feel the small boy's smile, and thinks if he glances behind him he might be blinded by it. He keeps his eyes forward. 

He’s tired, his legs ache, his arms ache, and there's the faint brewing of a headache stirring strongly behind his eyes. Nishinoya’s house is ten minutes out of the way from his own, and he suspects that if he agrees, it may be another hour before he walks through his front door. 

There’s only one answer to this question, as much as Asahi hates to say it, it has to be done. 

“Okay,” Asahi says tiredly, because he doesn’t have any desire to say no to him. 

“Goodnight, everyone!” Nishinoya practically bounces on Asahi as he waves goodbye to their teammates. He actively ignores the smirks and side-eyes from his fellow third-years. Again, it’s late, and that’s too much thinking for him right now.

Nishinoya doesn’t fall asleep immediately like last time, Asahi hears his rambling about today's match, and doesn’t hide his smile at every compliment Nishinoya shoots his way. He doesn’t have the energy to talk much, but he doesn’t think Nishinoya is bothered by it. 

“Shoyo’s gotten really good,” Nishinoya says, arms hanging over Asahi’s shoulders, the ace nods a little with a smile. He likes talking about his junior’s improvement, it always makes him more motivated to try harder and do better. Though granted, that may just be his anxiety talking, constantly pushing him to do better because he can’t risk disappointing people; but he likes to think it’s just his own determination that enjoys making people proud. 

“He has,” Asahi says with a nod, “Kageyama has too. They work well with each other.” 

“I think it’s more than that.” Nishinoya chuckles. A little confused, Asahi glances back at the boy's face for a moment and then back ahead. He’s visibly tired at this point, the events of the day must finally be catching up with him. Saying ‘ _it's about time’_ would be an understatement. 

“What do you mean?” Asahi asks, Nishinoya yawns and hums, dropping his head on top of Asahi’s. It evokes a smile from the ace who can’t help but think that a sleepy Nishinoya Yuu is the highlight of his day.

“He likes him,” Nishinoya says, voice dropping slightly as he likely fights sleep, “he makes it really obvious. And I thought Ryuu and I were bad with Kiyoko-san.” 

“H-He does?” Asahi asks in shock. He never would have guessed that. The two teammates never miss a chance to get at each other's throats. He questions exactly what Nishinoya’s idea of _obvious_ is. Then again, he’s far past knowing that their version of a _crush_ is exceedingly different.

“Asahi-san,” Nishinoya all but giggles from behind him, Asahi’s face flushed pink at the sound, and he's grateful that the libero can’t see it. “You’re so dense.” 

_‘You’re one to talk.’_

“Haha,” Asahi laughs a little, knowing he won’t say what he actually wants too. “I’m so used to seeing you and Tanaka obsess over Shimizu, that’s usually what I expect to see when I hear two people like each other.” 

Asahi is aware that what he just said made little to no sense when said aloud, but he’s tired and he knows Nishinoya is too, he’s past the point of saying things that make sense. Luckily for him, a sleepy Nishinoya still has enough working brainpower to understand him. 

“Hey,” Nishinoya says, fake offense coated in his tone. “I simp respectfully!” 

Asahi would _hardly_ consider profound admiration at every second of that day ‘ _simping respectfully’_ , though he knows Nishinoya isn’t the type to cross any boundaries when it comes to that profound admiration. Similar to Tanaka, Asahi is sure if Kiyoko told Nishinoya to stop, he would. Perhaps that’s what he means. He doesn’t get the chance to ask him to elaborate before Nishinoya is talking again.

“You know,” Nishinoya says, Asahi feels his fingers twirling a loose strand of his hair and it makes him only the slightest bit lightheaded, Nishinoya’s voice is suddenly much softer than before. “You don’t actually have to carry me. You can just walk home with me if that’s easier.” 

“It’s okay,” He says sincerely, even if his legs ache, and he’s so tired he wobbles a little with every other step, he likes that he gets to do this. He likes that Nishinoya wants him to, it makes him happy, for whatever reason. “I don’t mind.” 

Nishinoya doesn’t say anything for a while, it’s quiet with nothing but the sound of Asahi’s footsteps and their breathing. 

“Don’t let me fall, okay?” Nishinoya asks quietly. Arms closing around his shoulders to secure his balance, or maybe it’s just to hold Asahi a little closer, either way, the ace turns red at the action. Asahi smiles shyly, knowing the libero can’t see it. 

“I won’t. I promise.” Asahi assures. 

“Thank you,” Nishinoya says, with another yawn to follow. Asahi takes a slow breath and smiles despite the belligerent pounding in his chest. With the sound of Nishinoya’s soft snoring, Asahi walks the rest of the way to the boy’s house in peaceful silence.

* * *

Asahi wakes up at six a.m on a Saturday to his phone blowing up. He groans deeply and buries his face in his pillow, brown locks fanned around him as he tries to fall back asleep. It’s too early to be awake, his body is still sore from overworking himself yesterday, and of all days, Saturday is the only one he can’t bring himself to wake up at six a.m. 

He’s sure that the obnoxious sound of his phone will stop eventually. However, the person on the other end of his continuously pinging cell phone seems to have a completely different mindset. It’s situations like this that make Asahi hate being a light-sleeper. Another exaggerated groan in his pillow and he grabs his phone from his bedside table. The screen is too bright, he instantly gets a headache seeing the time. The sun has yet to rise, and frankly, Asahi doesn’t think he likes the idea of being awake before that happens. 

Squinting through the brightness, he checks his notification center, seeing one too many texts from Nishinoya. 

He should’ve guessed. 

_“He must have a good reason for blowing my phone up,”_ Asahi thinks as he opens them, “ _he wouldn’t text if it’s not important.”_

Asahi knows better than to think that. He remembers one time a year ago when he woke up to one-hundred and ten texts from Nishinoya all about a dream he had. 

Did Asahi read all one-hundred and ten texts? Yes. Not that anyone has to know that, though.

**_(14 new messages)_ **

“Oh, Noya,” Asahi sighs softly as he lays back down, setting the brightness on low as to not make him go blind. 

**_[5:22 a.m]_ ** ****

_asahi-san!!! good-moring!!_

**_[5:22 a.m]_ ** ****

_wait! r u asleep! it is pretty early,,,,,,,,_

**_[5:23 a.m]_ ** ****

_u should hear about this crazy dream I had!! can i call you!?!? its so cool! you'd love it!_

**_[5:25 a.m]_ ** ****

_AHH! WAIT! ur probably asleep still LOL!!_

**_[5:25 a.m]_ ** ****

_i’ll wait until u wake up!!_

**_[5:30 a.m]_ ** ****

_MY PANCAKE HAD A SMILEY FACE ON IT!!!_

**_[5:31 a.m]_ **

**_[Nishinoya Yuu sent an attachment]_ **

**_[5:39 a.m]_ ** ****

_asahi-san!! u should tell me about a dream u had!_

**_[5:41 a.m]_ ** ****

_obviously it can’t be better than mine tho haha! ill tell u as soon as u Wake Up!!_

**_[5:45 a.m]_ **

_wait! im sorry!! urs are probably really cool 2!!_

**_[5:56 a.m]_**

_i’ll let u sleep now! Text me when u wake up so i can tell u!_

**_[5:59 a.m]_ ** ****

_NO! CALL!! Call when u wake up! So i can tell u my dream hahah!_

**_[5:59 a.m]_ ** ****

_goodnite!!_

**_[6:00 a.m]_ ** ****

_or,,,,,,,morning lol!_

  
  


Asahi lets out a sigh, again. He can’t even bring himself to be annoyed, he never can with Nishinoya. If anything, he feels a little endeared to have woken up to a good-morning text from him, but he tells himself just this once not to read too much into it. 

It’s a rueful habit he finds himself having more often than not. Then again, he’s Azumane Asahi, and when has he ever been able to stop himself from over-thinking? He shuffles onto his side, deeper into the warmth of his comforter, hoping he won’t fall back asleep as he scrolls through his contacts and hits call on his favorite libero’s number. He yawns and wipes the corners of his eyes, brushing his hair from his face. Nishinoya answered much quicker than Asahi expected. 

“Asahi-san!” He says far too loudly. Asahi flinches. 

“Noya,” Asahi says quietly, voice clogged with sleep, “not so loud, please.” 

“Oh! Sorry,” Nishinoya laughs, lowering his volume to a not-so-deafening degree. “Good-morning. How’d you sleep?” 

Asahi smiles a little bit, brings his pillow closer to his chest, and holds it tight. _Don’t read too much into it,_ a voice in the back of Asahi’s mind yells at him, and he should listen to it one of these days. Sadly, that assaultive voice is drowned out by the happy pounding of Asahi’s chest and the hopelessly woozy smile that pushes the edges of his lips. 

“I-I, uh--” _Pull yourself together, Azumane!_ “I slept... okay. Why are you awake so early?” 

“My mom wanted me to get some ingredients for breakfast, so I had to wake up early.” He says. Asahi hums, feels sleep pulling at his eyes once again, but the last thing he wants to do is pass up the opportunity to talk to Nishinoya, the same boy who makes him feel like an absolute imbecile with nothing but a smile.

Sure, the timing for such feelings is not perfect, but he takes every chance he can to be the center of the libero’s focus. Even if that means staying on the phone with him at the crack of dawn.

“You--” Asahi cuts himself off with a yawn, clearing his throat a bit and sighing. He hears Nishinoya’s soft giggle from the other end and feels like he could probably fall asleep to it. “You... wanted to tell me about a dream?” 

He really wants to pay attention to Nishinoya’s dream, every bombastic detail of it, but he’s being quickly lulled back to sleep by the sound of his voice (blaring as it may be). He manages to catch a few things, something along the lines of him fighting a dragon and then running from the police. Asahi chuckles slightly at the dramatic sounds Nishinoya adds in for effect. 

He’s so tired, he thinks if he holds a blink for too long he’ll be fast asleep by the time Nishinoya is done talking. He wants to stay awake, though. He wants to listen to everything the boy has to say. 

“You were right,” Asahi says quietly, “That was a really cool dream, Noya.”

“Tell me about yours!” Nishinoya says excitedly. Asahi bites a grin before he shakes his head, despite knowing the boy on the other end of the line can’t see him. At this rate, Nishinoya Yuu is going to be the death of him. 

“I can’t remember it,” Asahi says, softly, “but I’m sure it was boring compared to yours.” 

“Can I come over today?!” Nishinoya asks quickly. Asahi can _feel_ the beams of light emitting from his smile. 

It’s a Saturday, and while Asahi isn’t _particularly_ busy today, he did plan on laying in bed from sunup to sundown. It had been more than a stressful week and he really didn’t feel like doing anything that wouldn’t lead him to socially interacting. Especially if that _social interaction_ has anything to do with the small libero. He can shove the feelings down during school, and he can easily distract himself from it during practice, but alone in Asahi’s house with nothing much to do? Asahi isn’t sure he can handle that.

“Uh,” Asahi thinks for a moment, wondering if he wants to accept or decline that offer, “I didn’t plan on doing anything. It’s been a long week, you know.” 

A long week is an understatement, Asahi is truly still sore from nonstop practice yesterday and knows he won’t be able to keep up with Nishinoya’s energy if he comes over. Not like he doesn’t _want_ Nishinoya over. If it was Daichi or Suga asking, he’d most likely say yes (with complaints), but it’s not them, it’s Nishinoya, and all things considered, what he feels for him is a bit deeper than his other two friends. 

It’s more so a matter of if Asahi can contain his feelings when they’re alone for a day. 

“That’s okay! We can watch movies and stuff!” Nishinoya says so excitedly Asahi can’t help let out a small breath, his chest getting tighter. “Or we can make cookies!... I swear I won't burn the stove again.” 

He mutters that last part. Asahi shivers, remembering the time Nishinoya screeched as he pulled a flaming pan of brownies out of the oven. Or at least, they were supposed to be brownies, once they put out the fire they were nothing more than lumps of charcoal with a foul smell. Needless to say, after that event Asahi makes sure Nishinoya avoids going _anywhere_ near his oven.

Asahi lets out a small sigh, knowing that despite his better judgment, he can’t bring himself to turn down Nishinoya. Not when he can barely stop a smile for coming to his face just at the sound of his voice. “Okay, you can come over.” 

“Awesome! I’ll be over in an hour!” Nishinoya giggles brightly. 

Asahi practically chokes. “A-An hour? N-Noya, it’s... six in the morning.” Asahi says in disbelief. He’s not nearly presentable enough for company. Sure he’d fight off the world for Nishinoya but dragging himself out of bed before eight on a Saturday? That request might be just a little too much to cave too. 

“It’ll be seven when I get there,” Nishinoya trails slightly, Asahi sits up and rubs his face. He checks the time and instantly regrets doing it, knowing how early it is only makes him feel that much more tired. “I can... wait, until later? If you’re not ready for anyone to come over yet.” 

Asahi pauses and sighs again, putting a strand of hair behind his ear, here he goes again, risking his morals and his precious sleep to make Nishinoya smile. “It’s okay, Noya... you can come now--” 

“I’ll get dressed now!” Nishinoya bursts, Asahi pulls the phone from his ear with a sharp wince. He’ll never understand how that boy has so much energy regardless of the time of day. Hesitantly, he brings it back. 

“U-Uh, okay,” Asahi says. 

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya asks suddenly. 

“Yeah?” Asahi asks, rubbing his face, his eyelids feeling heavy and trying not to regret that he willingly volunteered to start his day this early. 

“Good-morning.” 

A small laugh and a tired smile, Asahi shakes his head, “Good-morning, Noya.” 

* * *

**[7:22 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _say for instance u knew a friend,, who may or may not like their friend,, what advice would you give them?_

**[7:34 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _…………._

_Do I even want to ask who you’re talking about?_

**[7:35 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _…. don’t avoid the question._

**[7:37 p,m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _my answer depends on who the friend is (._.)_

**[7:39 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _this is just….hypothetical_

**[7:41 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _confess_

**[7:43 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _…._

 **_Asahi:_ ** _i should’ve texted suga..._

**[7:46 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _That hurts coming from you (-_-)_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _What else did you want to hear?_ _If you’ve got feelings for somebody_

_you should let them know before it’s too late._

**[7:47 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _what do u mean by too late?_

**[7:50 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _you seemed to have forgotten you’re a third year_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _you’re graduating soon,_

_if you don’t_ _tell_ _whoever_ _this person is how you feel,_

_they may never know_

**[7:51]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _way to make me even more anxious_

 **_Asahi:_ ** _it’s not as easy as just telling them how i feel.... you know how i am daichi_

**[7:53]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _it’s because I know how you are that I’m saying it’s best to confess_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _or you’ll end up regretting it for,,, however long you regret big decisions_

**[7:53 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _forever._

**[7;54 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _jeez_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _ok, do you want this to be something you regret forever?_

**[7:55]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _….no_

 **_Asahi:_ ** _but it’s rlly not that easy, i mean, i didn’t even realize i felt this way until a few days ago and it’s gotten bad_

 **_Asahi:_ ** _i like them a lot,, but i don’t want to ruin our friendship because of it…_

**[7:58 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _asahi,, you’re such a wimp_

**[8:00 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _remind me never to come to u for advice again(._.)..._

**[8:01 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _you asked for advice, and I delivered :)_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _I'm just saying that you shouldn't let your fear stop you from doing something._

_I'm sure it’s scary, because confessing is terrifying, trust me, I know._

**_Daichi:_ ** _but knowing how heavy you take things,_

_you shouldn’t hold yourself back from something that could be great._

_man up already azumane >:l _

**[8:04 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _ur one to talk_

 **_Asahi:_ ** _Day (???) of pinning over Sugawara Koushi: “he brushed my hand today and I fainted.”_

**[8:10 p.m]**

**_Daichi_ ** _: ….. fuck u_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _I did not come here to be attacked_

**[8:11 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _ha ha_

**[8:13 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _I'm leaving now to go study with suga_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _but, for the record, asahi_

 **_Daichi:_ ** _I'm pretty sure he likes you too_

**[8:15 p.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _...i hope so_

 **_Asahi:_ ** _use protection !_

**[8:15 p.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _…_

***Sawamura Daichi is offline***

* * *

“Oh, come on!” Tanaka nearly screeches seeing the tired expressions of his teammates, “We just won our match! Show some spirit!” 

“Yeah!! Lighten up a little!” Nishinoya adds, somehow even more spiritedly. Asahi glances up from the broom in his hands and towards the two demons. Their energy can be terrifying sometimes. 

Most of the team, with the exception of the energetic duo, is utterly beat. Far too many games for one day, and whilst Asahi is more than happy to have won each game, it comes at the price of sore muscles and aching feet. As soon as he finishes helping clean the gym, he can go home. 

Suga and Daichi are pulling the net down. Kageyama and Hinata are cleaning one half of the gym, while himself and Tsukishima clean the other half. Nishinoya and Tanaka are not helping, and Asahi is sure if Daichi had any energy he’d be yelling their head off; but it was a good game for them all. There’s a soft atmosphere around the gym and Asahi, though on the brink of falling asleep whenever his legs stop moving, smiles anyway. 

“Put on some music, Ryuu!” Nishinoya giggles as he jumps high into the air. 

“No!” Daichi yells from inside the storage closet. “It’s too late for that!”

 _I guess he does have a little more energy in him_ , Asahi snickers to himself, lazily pushing the broom along the gym floor. 

“Please!?” Tanaka begs, “We just finished such good games! We won each one! We should at least celebrate a little!” If only Tanaka understood that half of them could barely keep their heads up, much less celebrate. 

“One song.” Suga cuts in before Daichi can scream their heads off once again, Daichi caves just at his voice. Asahi snickers at the act. 

“Yeah! Ryuu!” Nishinoya says happily. Asahi’s eyes linger on the elated libero for just a few seconds, and a gentle feeling floods at the base of his chest, slowly enrapturing him and making it hard to think about anything or anyone else. 

He tears his eyes away before he risks getting caught and continues sweeping as Tanaka searches for the gym speakers. They’re not supposed to use them, but for this occasion, Daichi doesn’t stop him from seeking them out.

“Those two are demons.” He hears an uninterested mutter come from Tsukishima who’s finishing up beside him. “How does anyone have that much energy?” 

Asahi laughs softly at his teammate, “I don’t think anyone knows. Even Hinata is tired.” 

The two turn to glance at the orange-haired blocker who is falling asleep while sweeping. Kageyama’s complaints are heard even from across the gym. 

Tsukishima doesn’t bother to make a snarky retort. 

“Good job on your blocks today,” Asahi makes sure to note as he puts the broom away, “we definitely would’ve lost that last set if their spike made it through.” Even if Tsukishima himself isn’t the best at encouragement, Asahi makes sure to let his teammates know that they did good, to him it’s a part of being a good senpai.

Tsukishima glances at him and lets out a hushed, “Thank you.” 

Asahi turns to leave, hearing the start to a song that’s far too upbeat for his current mood. 

“Azumane-san?” Tsukishima calls before he leaves the storage room. Asahi turns back to the blocker in confusion. Tsukishima pauses for a moment, hand still tight around the room that he has yet to put on the rack. “Good job on your spikes today, too.” 

Asahi smiles a little, thinking that even if it was a simple gesture, it must’ve been difficult for him to say it. He knows how his junior is; never one to talk much, and when he does it isn't exactly in the kindest manner. But he’s not a half-bad blocker and makes an effort in his own way, so Asahi has never really minded the cold shoulder. He’s sincere when it matters. 

He doesn’t know much about Tsukishima past how he performs on the court, but he knows he isn’t a bad guy, and that’s all Asahi really has to know. 

“Thanks. Go home and get some rest.” Asahi says kindly as he walks out. He pauses when he sees the scene he walked in on. The soft atmosphere of the gym now completely shifted, his teammates who were previously exhausted are now hunched over laughing as Nishinoya and Tanaka try their best to salsa dance. 

What makes this even funnier is probably that the song is _definitely_ not meant for the moves they’re trying to pull. It’s an older-sounding, alternative rock song; something western that Asahi had never heard of before, he can’t understand the lyrics at all. 

He _can_ understand that as soon as Nishinoya’s eyes lock with his, his face brightens so much Asahi feels somewhat blinded. 

“Asahi-san! Hurry! Dance with me!” 

_‘Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. He’s just asking you to dance. Don’t even think it’s anything more than that. Stop staring at him! Shit. He’s beautiful. Shit, he’s coming over!’_

The younger boy bounds forward, grabbing his wrist and hauling him to the left half of the gym floor.

“A-Ah! N-Nishinoya! I can’t dance!” He’s freaking out, he’s sure that he's ten times redder in the face than he’s ever been before. 

“Me either!” Nishinoya laughs so brightly, he smiles like he’s never had a care in the world; and then those pretty eyes look up at him, and Asahi suddenly feels ready to risk it all. 

It’s funny. Absolutely flustering, yes; but also, hilarious. 

Nishinoya is so much shorter than he is, tugging him closely by the waist as he tries to lead them, Asahi can’t help but be convulsed with laughter. 

“Noya!” Asahi barks out as Nishinoya laughs with him. 

Asahi is still tired, and he definitely does still want to go home, but just not yet. He wants to hold onto whatever _this_ is for just a few seconds more. Nishinoya’s hand is in his, tightly interlocked like he’s afraid to let go. Asahi squeezes his hand in return, hoping Nishinoya will know that he doesn’t plan on letting go either.

Their teammates are laughing at the frilly scene of their tiny libero trying to force some dancing out of the stiff ace. Asahi has no idea what to do when it comes to dancing, and he’s sure he probably looks ridiculous in the arms of this ball of energy. But for once, he doesn’t think he cares. After all, Nishinoya has an arm hooked around his waist, and fingers interlocked with his own, a pretty smile and a breathless laugh, all in his direction. How could Asahi bring himself to care about anything outside of this? 

Nishinoya smiles so hard his eyes close shut, he laughs with the chest that’s pressed against Asahi’s own, and Asahi thinks: _“Why does it feel so good being the reason he’s laughing like this.”_

Nishinoya ushers them a few steps forward and then a few dozen steps back and Asahi just struggles to match his pace, desperately trying not to step on his feet. Nishinoya leans forward forcing Asahi to bow back. They both blurt out laughter at the way they shake trying to hold the pose. A cherry red blush covers Asahi’s cheeks and he doesn’t try to hide it. 

“Move those hips, Asahi!” Suga teases at him and Asahi glances at his teammates, they’re all looking at him and the wide plastered grin he has across his colored face. 

“Shake your ass a little too!” Tanaka belts right after. When he turns back to Nishinoya and sees the libero already looking at him, shimmering russet eyes focused on him and only him, Asahi thinks that he might have just fallen in love. 

But then it’s over. Whatever song that was playing had ended and though Nishinoya had long since let him go to change his clothes in the club-room, Asahi still felt the boy's hand in his own. Asahi smiles a bit to himself as he grabs his bag to leave. He says goodbyes to his teammates, and finally begins his trek home. 

Not even a minute into his walk, he pauses. 

Oddly enough, it feels as though he’s forgotten something. 

He checks his pockets for his phone. It’s there. Then, he checks for his wallet. Also there. He has all the bags he needs but hesitates before taking another step forward still feeling like he’d forgotten something important. 

“Asahi-san!” A familiar, distant voice yells from behind him. 

_Oh,_ Asahi thinks, turning to see the libero rushing to catch up, _that’s what I forgot._

He smiles as Nishinoya halts to a stop a few feet behind him, he digs his heels to the ground and bends his knees like a cat preparing to jump. Asahi chuckles, quickly understanding his request. He turns around and hears a small _humph!_ and then the small boy is clinging to his back once again. 

“Why’d you leave without me?” Nishinoya chuckles, wrapping his arms around Asahi’s shoulder, his chin on Asahi’s head. 

“I must’ve forgotten that we had started walking home together,” Asahi says with a yawn. Instinctively, he hands Nishinoya one of his bags. The boy removes his arms from around Asahi’s shoulders and shrugs the bag onto his own. Asahi stops walking for a moment so that he doesn’t fall. Now with more free hands, he holds onto the back of his knees and Nishinoya quickly wraps his arms back around Asahi’s shoulders. 

“Aren’t you tired?” Asahi asks though he feels like he already knows the answer. Nishinoya rests his head against Asahi’s and hums.

“Only a little,” He says, “we had such a good game today, I still feel so energized.” 

Asahi snickers slightly. “You’re really just a ball of energy, aren’t you?” 

“Haha,” Nishinoya laughs softly, “probably.” 

It’s a quick thought that pops into Asahi’s head, one he wards it away as soon as it comes into play, but even still, he wonders how many other people were lucky enough to hear Nishinoya’s voice get so soft. 

“You did great today,” Nishinoya says with a yawn, Asahi feels his arms get tighter around his shoulders. “Your spiking gets better every day.”

Asahi blushes a bit and smiles. “I’m glad you think so. I think you did pretty amazing too, not like that's a surprise though.”

It really isn’t. Nishinoya improving doesn’t come as a shock to Asahi. The second-year is always hungry for more chances to get better at something. He’ll find one thing to do, hone it to perfection, and then move onto another. He’s the best libero Asahi’s ever seen, at this point, it’s more surprising when Nishinoya _hasn’t_ improved in some form. 

“Thank you,” He hears Nishinoya’s smile in his voice, really wishing he could turn to look at it. 

Nishinoya lays his head on Asahi’s shoulder blade, his hair tickles the back of Asahi’s neck.

The day must’ve finally caught up to him.

“I’m going to… sleep now.” Nishinoya yawns and nuzzles his head against the back of Asahi’s neck. Asahi smiles. “Don’t let me fall, okay?”

Asahi hums, looking ahead, “I won’t... I promise.” 

* * *

**[2:12 a.m]**

**_Asahi:_ ** _im in love with him_

**[5:03 a.m]**

**_Daichi:_ ** _about time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should note that the song Nishinoya and Tanaka put on is called Animal by Neon Trees. I thought it fit perfectly for them:) 
> 
> (Also, because i couldn’t specify it in a story that was all Asahis pov, when Asahi says he thinks he fell in love with Nishinoya, Nishinoya was thinking the exact same thing:) )


	2. With...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW://  
> This chapter contains depictions of anxiety attacks. Please be warned
> 
> The final chapter will be out next Sunday:)

“Are you going to do that the entire class?” Asahi whines slightly, seeing Suga’s grin. The setter in question nods. 

“Daichi—” Asahi turns to Daichi for some form of back-up, only to see the same smug smirk spread along the captain’s face. Asahi mantles embarrassed. “I hate you both.” 

Suga and Daichi laugh at his misery (like the best-friends they are) and Asahi sinks into his seat. His face a bright red that he hides in his palms. 

“You know who you don’t hate?” Suga’s voice has a tantalizing smirk in it as he leans forward to Asahi’s desk. “Nishi-” 

“Blah! Blah! I can’t hear you!” Asahi covers his ears but still manages to hear the setter’s cackling. 

“None of us are surprised,” Suga says, leaning his chin on his hand. Asahi swiftly turns to his friend in a panic. 

“N-None of? O-Of who? Did you tell anyone? Suga?” Asahi panics at the thought of anyone outside of them knowing. Suga scoffs at him, offended.

“The lack of trust,” Suga says to Daichi who shakes his head. “No. I didn’t tell anyone else. It’s not like I have to though. We all saw the way you looked at him that day.”

_That day? What day? Have I been too obvious? Did I already expose myself? What if Nishinoya already knows? Would he say something about it if he already knew? Is he not saying anything because he doesn’t feel the same way? I haven’t even confessed but have I already been rejected--_

A firm slap to the back jerks him from his thoughts. 

“Asahi, calm down,” Daichi says. Asahi is convinced that he’ll have some sort of bruise on his back soon just from how hard Daichi hits him. 

“D-Do you have to hit me so hard?” Asahi asks weakly, trying to reach around and rub the aching handprint forming on his back. 

“Yes,” Daichi huffs, “because you’re a wimp.” 

Asahi sinks further down into his chair in dismay. Suga snickers at the scene. 

“Honestly though,” Suga says as Asahi sits up, shoulders slump. “Why don’t you just find a way to tell him?” 

Asahi yet again reminds himself not to take any relationship advice from either of them ever again. It’s always _‘do or don’t’_ with them. Bold words for two people who are still hopelessly pining after one another, Asahi thinks. 

Before the ace can explain exactly why that would be a terrible idea, the door to their classroom is aggressively pulled open. Asahi jumps at the loud noise, turning to the source of the sound. 

“Asahi-san!” 

Suga practically beams, “Speak of the devil.”

Asahi’s face triples in shade seeing the second-year waving at them. “N-Nishinoya? What are you doing here?”

“I have your notebook! You left it in the clubroom.” Nishinoya laughs as he walks into the classroom, one of Asahi’s notebooks in hand. The libero walks towards the trio and sets the notebook on Asahi’s desk. 

“Hey, Noya, guess what?” Suga says. Asahi whips around to Suga with the face of complete fear. Suga is a little shit sometimes but even Asahi doubts he’ll _actually_ expose him. He never really knows with Suga, though. He’s either the kindest angel you’ve ever met or an infuriating little gremlin, rarely is there an in-between.

“What?” Nishinoya asks, leaning his forearm on Asahi’s shoulder. This isn’t good for his heart, not at all. Daichi is grinning, Suga is grinning, and Asahi, gentle, kind Asahi, has never in his life wanted to spike a volleyball right to their faces as much as he does right now.

“S-Suga,” Asahi manages to stammer out. “Stop.” 

“Asahi has a crush,” Daichi says instead, “but he won’t tell us who.” 

_'That’s it_ ,' Asahi thinks, ' _we’re not friends anymore._ '

In the split second that Asahi revoked their friendship rights, Nishinoya stops leaning on Asahi and tilts his head. 

“Really?” He asks. Nishinoya isn't berating him with questions or jumping out of his shoes with curiosity, he’s oddly calm despite learning one of his close friends is pining after someone. “Who?” 

“Yeah, Asahi,” Asahi’s ex-best friend, Sugawara, says, “Who?”

 _'I hate you,'_ Asahi thinks as he goes red, ' _I despise your guts right now.'_

“No one. I-I don’t… I don’t have a crush on anyone.” 

“You’re a bad liar, Asahi-san,” He hears Nishinoya’s faint chuckle in his ear, his finger playfully jabs at Asahi’s cheek and Asahi thinks he may have blown a fuse. He's pretty sure he could light a runway with his face alone.

“You should tell us.” His second ex-best friend, Sawamura, says, a mischievous smile tainting his lips. “We’re dying to know.”

 _'We’re strangers now_ ,' Asahi thinks when he glares at him, red-faced and thoroughly embarrassed. ' _We do not know each other, Sawamura.'_

“S-Shut it!” Asahi chokes out. Nishinoya giggles distantly from behind him and Asahi is just begging him to leave, he’s going to have convulsions if Nishinoya keeps. . .being Nishinoya. 

“I've got to go,” Nishinoya says, “I’ll be late.” 

“Oh? You’re actually going to class on time?” Daichi asks, confused when Nishinoya starts to walk to the door again. Asahi turns to look at him and Nishinoya laughs a little. 

“Yeah, Chikara is going to cut my head off if I skip another one,” Nishinoya whines as he walks backward. “See you guys at practice!” 

Then he’s gone. 

“I think we succeeded,” Suga says to Daichi. The captain smiles back at his setter and Asahi doesn’t miss the blush on their faces. They’re _so_ lucky he’s nice, otherwise, he’d expose them both right here, right now. Honestly, he has no reason not to, if only they knew just how much they were at his mercy. 

“I hate both of you.” Asahi dissolves down into his seat, head falling onto the desk, feeling like he can finally breathe. 

It’s Suga who’s pounding a hand on his back this time. “Well, we both know _you_ weren’t going to make any moves.” 

“What move was that supposed to be?” Asahi picks his head up tiredly.

“Jealousy,” Daichi says, as though he’s some wise old prophet. Asahi is certain now more than ever, he _does_ want to spike a volleyball at his face. Or maybe his nuts, whichever is more damaging.

He sighs softly, “I don’t want to make him jealous.” 

He is no expert on love or relationships, far from it actually. But he knows better than anyone that jealousy isn’t a very pleasant feeling. He loves Shimizu, but sometimes he can’t stand knowing that Nishinoya is head-over-heels for her.

“I want him to know how I feel, but I just... I can barely think when I’m around him.” Asahi is honest with them, he hopes they’ll understand and mentally begs them not to meddle with it anymore. He already took enough damage with what they _tried_ to do. 

“Asahi, I get that it’s scary,” Suga asks, less teasing this time. “But you don’t have that much time.” 

That doesn’t help in the slightest.

Asahi graduates shortly, he knows this fact far too well.

Every day he gets closer to leaving Nishinoya behind. With or without the confession, he'll hate that day all the same. It isn't like he plans on going to a university either. He honestly doesn’t know what he wants to do after high-school, all he knows is that he wants to be by Nishinoya's side, regardless of where that takes him. 

“I know,” Asahi says softly, not wanting to make himself anymore apprehensive about the future than he already is, “I’ll figure it out. Just please don’t tell him.” 

Suga sighs a bit and leans back in his chair, “Okay, I won’t.” 

Daichi nods. 

Asahi is still reserving their friendship rights, but maybe he’ll hold back on spiking a volleyball to their nuts. 

Just for now. 

* * *

The walk home is more subdued than it usually is. Nishinoya’s forehead is resting on his shoulder and he’s breathing very softly. Asahi would’ve assumed he had fallen asleep if it weren’t for his occasional shifts and sighs.

“You’re quiet today,” Asahi says after a lengthy silence. Nishinoya hums, moving his head further into the curve of Asahi’s neck. For the sake of Nishinoya’s mood, Asahi tries not to get too flustered, but a pink blush still dusts the tips of his ears. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Nishinoya says quietly. Asahi furrows his brows in confusion, Nishinoya isn’t the type to hide his concerns, at least not with Asahi; especially when something is unmistakably upsetting him. 

“Are you sure?” Asahi presses, “you seem upset.” 

It’s quiet again just for a moment. Nishinoya’s arms hug Asahi closer, cold nose pressed against his neck and he whines a little. Asahi snickers at the quiet sound; wants to envelop him in a warm blanket and cuddle him close until he feels like sharing his concerns. 

“Now I know something is wrong,” Asahi says softly. “You can tell me anything.” 

“That’s the problem.” He hears Nishinoya whisper, voice clouded with something Asahi couldn’t quite pick up. Asahi’s mind races back to the conversation in the classroom earlier, and an uneasy feeling bubbles in his chest at the possibility of being the reason Nishinoya is upset.

“W-What?” Asahi asks, confused.

“I did terrible today.” Nishinoya finally breaks, groaning softly into Asahi’s neck. “I couldn’t follow up on any of the blocks. I couldn’t match my sets with anyone’s spikes. If that were a real match I would’ve been benched.” 

Asahi frowns upon hearing the boy's thoughts. He figured something was bothering him on the bus ride back to Karasuno, he wasn’t nearly as hyper as he usually is. He had even crawled onto Asahi’s back in a way that just felt entirely dispirited, but he didn’t think it was because of his performance. He didn’t even notice something off with Nishinoya during their practice match, he was a little quieter but Asahi simply assumed he was concentrated on the game.

“That’s okay,” Asahi says kindly, “it was just a practice match. We all get off days sometimes.” 

“Not me,” Nishinoya mumbles, "I could've done better.” 

“Hey,” Asahi frowns. If there’s one thing he won’t tolerate, it’s Nishinoya talking down on himself. “You’re only human, Noya, not every player is perfect. That’s why we have practice matches, so we can see what works and what doesn’t.” 

“But I have one job,” Nishinoya whines, shoving his face deeper into Asahi's neck as though he's trying to hide. “And if I can’t do that, there’s no point in me being on the court. I was just... thinking of too much, I could barely focus. I'm pretty sure Shoyo managed to get in a better receive than I did.” 

“Nishinoya,” Asahi chuckles, “I will drop you if you keep talking like that.” 

At the mention of possibly falling, Nishinoya holds onto him tighter.

“No, don’t,” Nishinoya chuckles softly. Asahi’s heavy chest feels just a little lighter. “I might die if I fall from this height.” 

“Noya?” Asahi says. Nishinoya hums, resting his chin on top of the boy's head like he normally does; and like always, it sends a swell of warmth straight to Asahi’s heart. “You did your best today, that’s all that matters.” 

A heavy, disheartened sigh comes from Nishinoya’s chest, a small chuckle follows. 

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” He says. Asahi assumes that means he helped. 

“Only for you,” Asahi says, only to blush quickly after. 

_Did I just say that? Oh no. What if I expose myself? Is this what Suga meant about me being obvious? Does Nishinoya notice? What if he does and isn’t saying anything? Would that be better or worse? Would I want him to say something if he knew--_

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya asks, softly. Asahi hums, not trusting the stability of his own voice. Nishinoya is quiet for a moment, the sound of Asahi’s footsteps is the only thing between them. “Do you actually have a crush on someone, like Suga-san said?” 

Asahi tenses. Anxiety rushes through his veins and his mind jumbles through every feasible answer to give him. He can’t possibly say yes, if he says yes then Nishinoya will ask who.

He can’t say no, because Nishinoya knows when he’s lying.

He can’t give any ambiguous answer because Nishinoya will possibly bombard him with follow-up questions. 

Of course, there is the excluded option of saying yes and admitting that it's him. But he doesn’t have enough courage to tell the truth. He can’t think of any possible way he can tell Nishinoya, “ _I’m in love with you and I just don’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a complete nervous-wreck.”_

“U-Uh, I-I do.” He decides to say after a drawn-out silence. Nishinoya chuckles a little. Asahi’s face is rosy red and he can feel his hands begin to sweat. He should’ve said no. He should’ve just dodged the question, why on _e_ _arth_ did he answer honestly? 

Nishinoya laughs quietly, “well... she’s really lucky.” 

Asahi shifts his eyes onto the ground, watching each step his foot makes, wondering if he’s going in the right direction with this conversation. It shouldn’t be this complicated, but everything has _always_ been ten times more difficult when it comes to Nishinoya. 

“I... um,” Asahi takes a deep breath and decides not to say anything more, he’s already pushing this thing south, it’ll only get worse if he keeps adding onto it. “I guess.” 

“I’m going to sleep,” Nishinoya says, pressing his head against Asahi’s shoulder. Nishinoya doesn’t follow it up with a _“don’t let me fall, okay?”_ like he does every night. And it’s nothing important, Nishinoya probably doesn’t even notice he says it each day, but Asahi holds onto that. He likes reminding Nishinoya that he won’t let him fall, that he won’t let him get hurt. But tonight, he doesn’t say it.

For some reason, he can’t help but feel like maybe it’s his fault. 

"Okay," Asahi says, and walks the rest of the way in silence. 

* * *

Asahi wakes up in the middle of the night.

The digits on his desktop clock read two a.m and his room is masked in darkness. He isn’t sure why he’s awake at this time of night, he’d finished studying early to get a few more hours of sleep, but that's now proved to be futile. 

Rather than attempting to fall back asleep, he lays in bed gazing at the ceiling in silence. He has nothing else to do anyway. It’s two in the morning and he's almost certain that everyone he knows is asleep, just as he should be.

His eyelids are heavy with sleep and though they flutter shut for a few seconds, seemingly aching to get more rest, they slip open a few minutes later in defeat. His room is still with nothing but his quiet breaths and occasional shifting to be heard. His bed feels unusually cold tonight. He shifts onto his sides and bunches the comforter up beneath his chin, staring wordlessly at the space on the bed next to him. 

It’s a comically large bed, Asahi moves around quite a lot in his sleep and has had more than enough experience falling off at night for him to finally commit his savings to buying something bigger. But right now, it seems too big, too empty, too distant and withdrawn.

Someone is supposed to be there, just on the other side of him, it feels like. Asahi just isn’t sure who.

Pressing a pillow close to his chest, he rests a hand on the bare space, feeling a bit pathetic inside for doing so. It’s ironic, Nishinoya has never slept in Asahi’s bed before, but it feels like the spot beside him is fitted just for the small libero. 

He knows that’s an embarrassing thought to have, but clutching loosely at the white sheets, he can’t bring himself to imagine anything else. 

A crush on Nishinoya Yuu, who would’ve guessed. Asahi is sure that everyone else probably already suspects it. Asahi can barely hold eye contact without going red. How Nishinoya doesn’t know yet is anyone's guess.

But now things are messy; because Nishinoya has this awful misconception that Asahi likes somebody that _isn’t_ him. And that should be a good thing, he tries to convince himself. At least now he won’t have to worry about accidentally blowing his cover.

It should be a good thing. But it isn’t.

 _It’s my fault,_ Asahi thinks as he drops his face in his pillow, _if I could just stop being so scared all the time, I could tell him how I feel._ _If I could find some way to... not be me, just for a second... then Nishinoya would know how much he means to me._

Asahi groans softly and tugs the blankets up above his head. He knows there’s no point in going over _what if_ ’s, or contemplating what would happen if Asahi could just _be_ someone else, and there’s certainly no point in pondering how he would confess. It isn’t like he can. He's gone over the same thoughts countless times before, he should know by now that clouding his head with this won't change anything. It never has before. 

_Even if I could, what are the chances he’ll feel the same? What if our friendship is ruined because of me? What if he just wants to stay friends? Could I handle being his friend when I feel this way?_

A heavy throb forces its way to the back of Asahi’s throat as he holds onto his pillow tighter, desperate for some form of comfort. It’s stuffy beneath his comforter but the ample space of his bedroom seems almost intimidating to be in alone. He has to stop himself before he gets in too deep, but he can't. 

He can't stop thinking about the worst possible case scenario, and all of the ways he could lose Nishinoya before he ever had him at all. 

_Why can’t I just not think for once?_ Asahi breathes out slowly as tears prick his eyes, _why can’t I just not be so afraid of everything?_

He knows it's natural to be afraid of rejection, he knows that it's normal to be afraid of confessing, but that doesn't make it all better. Solely acknowledging that doesn't ward the dangerous thoughts away, nor the sudden sweat that forms at the back of Asahi’s neck. His fingers tense around the pillowcase, eyes pinched shut, and his heart hammering profoundly in his throat.

 _This is ridiculous,_ he thinks, he feels pathetic for wallowing in his own thoughts like this.

He feels like he can’t catch his breath or coax himself out of this, he can’t think past anything other than _why am I so afraid?_

His throat starts to close up, giving way only to small sobs that leak from his lips and muffle into the pillow. 

This isn't about Nishinoya, but it is. It's about him and all of the things bigger than he is. Somehow it's about all of the things in Asahi's life that he could have overcome if he had just summoned a few seconds worth of bravery. And he's scared, because of how much he could lose if he finally finds that courage and does something for himself. 

It’s not the end of the world if Nishinoya doesn’t like him back. The sky won't shatter and come crashing down to earth if Nishinoya says he doesn't feel the same way. Somehow, things will keep moving, Asahi will still go to practice, and Nishinoya will most likely reassure him that things won’t change between the two of them, but they will. Of course they will, because no matter what Nishinoya says, things could never be the same as before he knew how Asahi felt.

He quivers under his blankets, feeling somewhat foolish for actually crying about this. His head feels foggy, and even with his desperate attempts, he can’t gather enough air to breathe. 

Asahi jerks the comforter off of him, hit with a rush of cold air as he hurriedly sits up, a coat of sweat dampens his sheets and the pillow held to his chest, now abandon beside him. A shaking hand reaches up to grip his chest. 

His dry, clogged throat breaks out a sob, he’s heaving for breath, with every sharp inhale the vise around his lungs gets tighter and tighter and a hurricane of thoughts pushes forward with even more vigor. He doesn't think he can handle this. Not alone. There's a weight on his chest and he can't concentrate enough to inhale anything bigger than small puffs of air. He frantically looks around, stifled gasps and whimpers rushing out of him as he yanks his phone off the charger.

His fingers tremble when he tries unlocking it, he can’t see much past his tears but he needs somebody, he has to hear somebody’s voice or he’s going to go insane. Asahi thinks he might actually be dying, and he knows he isn’t, because he’s no newcomer to anxiety attacks, but this doesn't feel the same. 

He presses a shaking thumb to Nishinoya’s contact and hits call.

_This is a terrible idea! What are you doing!? You’re going to wake him up in the middle of the night over this?! How stupid are you?!_

Running a hand through his hair, sweeping his palm against his sweaty forehead, Asahi focuses on catching his breath. He can’t listen to the voice in his head right now, if he wants any chance of making it through this, he has to block it out in any way he knows how.

Right now, he knows what he needs, he needs to hear him, to know that he’s real. That all of this isn’t just something made up in his head. 

He presses his face into the heft of his palm and attempts to disregard the hostile striking of his heart that feels two sizes too big for his chest. 

_What if Nishinoya is weirded out? What if he thinks you’re just being childish? What if he thinks you’re being over-dramatic? What if you are just being over-dramatic?_

“P-Please,” Asahi mewls, hot tears burning down the arch of his cheeks and the length of his nose. “J-Just _stop_ already. P-Please... stop.” 

“Asahi-san?” A voice on the other end of the line wrenches him from his own head, he remembers who he was calling. Nishinoya is on the other end, waiting for an answer. 

_What do I say? He’ll know I’ve been crying. I can’t have him know. What will he think of me? What if it’s too awkward? What if he’s annoyed that I woke him up? What do I say? What do I say? What do I say? What-_

“Are you okay, Asahi-san?” Nishinoya’s voice is faint on the other end. Asahi feels his chest jumping, he covers his mouth to stop the cry that bubbles out, but he thinks Nishinoya caught it anyway. 

He isn’t okay. He’s confused about everything, and he wants to understand, but he doesn’t know how to. He isn’t okay because he’s so afraid of everything around him and he wants to _not_ be afraid and face all of his problems head-on, but he just can’t. It isn’t _him_ and as much as he wants it to be, it isn't.

_Please just breathe. Don’t fucking pass out._

“N... No.” Asahi manages to choke out, netting a fistful of his hair through his fingers, tugging at the roots until it becomes painful. 

“Asahi-san? What’s wrong?” There’s static shuffling from his end, but his voice is clear. Despite all of Asahi’s thoughts and nerves, Nishinoya’s voice is clear. 

“N-Noy—,” Asahi sniffles, wipes his face, and tries again to take utter something, anything. “I—I... I...” 

His lips part and form all of the words he wants to say but no sound comes out. His thoughts funnel up to his lips and then twist on his tongue. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth. This is embarrassing. He can’t even talk. He can’t do anything.

“Hey, it’s okay, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya says patiently, “...I’m right here.” 

“I can’t breathe,” His feeble voice finally breaks out, shaky and rushed but somehow audible. 

“O-Oh, u-um,” Nishinoya stammers for just a moment, concern floods his tone. “Asahi-san, um... c-concentrate on your breathing, okay? Open your mouth and slowly inhale for me.” 

He listens to him because he's run out of alternatives at this point and has to pull himself out of this or he might really pass out. Parting his shaking lips, past his unsteady breaths and panting, he inhales as delicately as he can. The air is sharp, a bead of sweat slips down his jaw. His nose is so stuffed from his crying that a painful pulse forms between his closed eyes.

“Okay, now exhale even slower.” 

Pushing the air back out, the chain grasping his lungs starts to unravel little by little. 

“Good, keep doing that, you’re doing really well, Asahi-san.” Nishinoya is remarkably caring, he’s gentle, without an ounce of delay or judgment in his tone. A little concerned (as expected) but his words are tender and benign nonetheless. Safety and warmth creep up into the suffocated edges of Asahi's chest, paired with a feeling of complete security brought by Nishinoya's presence.

“I'm sure that what you’re feeling is scary, Asahi-san, but it’s not dangerous, okay? I’m right here, and you’re going to get through it. Just keep breathing slowly, you’re almost past it.” 

Asahi is so focused on what he’s saying and the melodious tone he speaks with, he doesn't even realize he had stopped crying.

There's a brief pause and Asahi hears Nishinoya whisper something along the lines of: _"I hope this works."_

“What’s your favorite flower, Asahi-san?” Nishinoya’s voice has a smile in it, a little stifled and muffled with static but clear nonetheless. Asahi, confused, wipes his face with the back of his hands and sniffles. 

“W-What?” He asks, voice hoarse from his crying.

Nishinoya chuckles softly. “Your favorite flower, what is it?” 

“U-Um,” Asahi tucks a few tuffs of hair behind his ear and lets out an uncertain sigh, “S-Sun— no, u-um... d-daffodils, I-I think.” 

“Do you have a favorite color?” Nishinoya asks right after. 

“I-I don’t... think so? Maybe... j-just, u-um... green?” 

Nishinoya abruptly laughs, the cute, airy type of laugh that goes straight to Asahi’s heart, a welcomed contrast to the former feeling that permeated his chest. 

“That's mine too, Asahi-san!” Nishinoya says brightly. “Okay, this next question is very important, so be honest.” 

Somehow, there's a small, weak smile that finds its way to Asahi’s lips. He sniffles again, wiping at his jaw, and then laughs a little bit because, for whatever reason, things don't seem all that scary when he's with Nishinoya, “O-Okay?” 

“Do you prefer hot breakfast or cold breakfast?” 

Asahi lets out a shaky laugh, “...Hot." He says, "It’s the only right answer.” 

There’s a small hum from the other end, “I’m glad we both agree hot breakfast _is_ superior to all other forms of breakfast.” 

Asahi wouldn't phrase it that way, but sure. It’s quiet for a few moments as Asahi wipes the corners of his eyes again and sighs softly. His shaking had subsided to a small tremble and there's finally a consistent flow of air reaching his lungs. Enough that he no longer worries about fainting or the possibility of dying. 

“Thank you, Nishinoya...” He says quietly, slightly embarrassed with himself at what had just happened.

“How are you feeling?” Nishinoya asks. 

“Better,” Asahi responds, tiredly settling back down onto his pillows, “I-I’m... I'm sorry to wake you up, I just... I didn't know who else to call.” 

“Don’t apologize, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya laughs, “I'm happy you're okay now.” 

A small pink blush comes to Asahi’s cheeks. He wipes the edge of his nose with his sleeve and runs a shaky hand through his hair, pushing it from his face. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nishinoya asks. Asahi shakes his head, even though Nishinoya can’t see him. 

“I-It was nothing,” He sighs softly, “I was just... thinking about too much, like usual.” A flat laugh follows. Nishinoya hums. 

“Want a hug?” 

Asahi flushes red and laughs quietly, biting his lip and shaking his head. “A-A hug? W-What’re you going to do? Jump through my phone?” 

“I wish,” Nishinoya says fondly, “I would be there right now if I could.” 

Asahi smiles softly, holding the phone up to his ear and closing his eyes. “I wish you could, too.” 

“Do you want to go back to sleep? We have practice early tomorrow.” 

At the mention of sleeping, Asahi glances at his clock. It’s veering close to four and the effects of the night are beginning to weigh on him. 

“Yeah,” Asahi says, “I should go back to bed.” 

“Okay,” Nishinoya says through a yawn, “Goodnight, Asahi-san.” 

“Goodnight, Nishinoya, and... thank you again, for everything.” Asahi tacks on the last bit in a small whisper, but he's sure Nishinoya heard him anyway. 

"You're welcome, Asahi-san," Nishinoya says, his voice starting to trail as he slips into sleep. 

It’s silent between them. Asahi doesn’t pull the phone from his face to hang up, he keeps it there, listening to Nishinoya’s soft breaths. He imagines Nishinoya is doing the same thing, considering it’s been a few moments and neither of them has ended the call.

Asahi smiles a little and turns onto his side, pillow close to his chest, though his time it's to hide a small flustered smile. “Isn’t this the moment where you hang up?” 

Nishinoya’s tired giggle is heard and Asahi’s heart flips to the chime of it. “I was waiting for you to do it.” 

"You've got to do it,” Asahi says because he knows he won't, he hears a small lapse in Nishinoya’s breathing. 

“That's funny,” Nishinoya hums tiredly, “because I wasn’t going to.” 

Asahi closes his eyes and yawns deeply, bringing the blankets close to his chin as he stares at the empty space next to him. The place he knows Nishinoya should be right now. Asahi sucks in a quiet breath, hoping Nishinoya won’t hear the sound of him mustering every ounce of courage he has in him. 

“Stay on the phone with me?” Asahi asks, holding his breath right after. His stomach twists at the idea of Nishinoya saying no and his first attempt at saying something brave failing, but that feeling ends up not lasting very long. 

“Okay,” Nishinoya’s drowsy voice drones, “you’d better not hang up in the morning, or I won’t give you a hug.” 

Asahi smiles a bit, his eyes fighting to stay open. 

“I won’t,” He mumbles, “I promise.” 

The libero’s voice quiet and soft, “Goodnight, Asahi-san, again.” 

Closing his eyes, putting his phone on speaker, and setting it on the pillow beside him, Asahi's eyes flutter close and a new type of warmth wraps around his heart. 

“Goodnight, Noya,” Asahi says softly, “again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (authors note: i wasn’t the proudest of this chapter but it is what it is.) 
> 
> [side note in case it was confusing: Nishinoya started asking Asahi questions because it’s a grounding technique that was meant to get Asahi’s thoughts off of “i’m panicking” and instead onto things like his favorite color, flower, and hot or cold breakfast. it personally works for me so i added it in here:)]


	3. You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered breaking this chapter in two but then the chapter titles wouldn't line up so, this chapter is way longer than the first and second, I hope you don't mind!
> 
> I should also note that this chapter was originally all on Nishinoyas perspective but I figured it would be weird for me to switch it up right when things get good, so if you see me switch in and out Nishinoyas perspective a little bit near the end, that’s because I am an unreliable piece of trash and I suck at writing (just kidding) (or not?) anyway please understand:,) 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry this chapter is a few days late, I didn't intend for it to be this long so it took me a while to edit and revise it. Anyway! Enjoy the last chapter of our journey :D

“I'm just saying,” Daichi says, walking beside Asahi. “It’s a good opportunity to confess.” 

“This again,” Asahi whines slightly, shoulders falling in dejection hearing yet another one of Daichi's outlandish ideas on how he should confess. “I told you I can’t.” 

“Just a suggestion,” Daichi shrugs, feigning innocence. Asahi sighs slightly, shaking his head. 

It’s cold that morning, there’s a thin blanket of frost on the grass that will likely melt by the afternoon and the tips of his ears turn red the longer he walks. They’re both fairly early, practice doesn’t start for another hour, but Daichi had woken up much earlier than usual and practically conned a half-asleep Asahi into walking with him.

“Why are we here so early?” Asahi yawns. He isn’t willing to tell Daichi about the rough night he had, nor is he even thinking of sharing the conversation he had with their libero. He finds a need to keep it to himself (not only because it’s personal and he’s not obligated to tell anyone, but also because he doesn’t like making his friends worry). "Why can't you just fall back asleep when you wake up early? You know... like normal people?"

“It never hurts to be early,” Daichi says as he unlocks the clubroom door. “Plus, the clubroom is peaceful when it’s not full of sweaty teenage boys.” 

That, Asahi does agree on. He follows Daichi into the clubroom and makes a B-Line to the heater.

“That heater hasn’t worked in years,” Daichi chuckles seeing Asahi fumble uselessly with the buttons. Asahi groans weakly when he doesn’t feel a hot rush of air come from the ancient contraption. 

“Stupid heater,” Asahi whines as continues to press buttons and grumble when he gets no reaction.

“So, what’s wrong?” Daichi asks all of a sudden. Torn from his aggressive deathmatch with an unresponsive heater, Asahi looks at him confused.

Daichi leans against the lockers, looking at him with careful eyes. Of all the looks in Sawamura Daichi’s arsenal, this is the one Asahi dreads the most. 

There is no escaping his questionings when he feels like something is wrong, him and his stupid intuition that almost always gets the best of Asahi. Sometimes Asahi wishes he were a better liar, but he doubts lying would even work against Daichi. He’s been spending too much time with Sugawara, he has the “ _Dad L_ _ook”_ honed to perfection.

“W-What do you mean?” Asahi asks obliviously as he walks to his locker, avoiding eye contact at all costs as he fumbles with the combination. 

“Asahi,” Daichi says lightly, “I can tell when somethings off. Did you have a rough night or something?” 

Asahi tsk’s when he can’t crack the lock, keeping his eyes adrift from his all-knowing captain. “Nothings wrong,” Asahi said, tugging once more at the combination lock to no avail, “I slept okay.” 

“You sure?” Daichi smirks, finally Asahi glances at him. “Maybe try unlocking _your_ locker, and not Kinnoshita’s.”

Asahi turns to look at the locker he just spent five minutes fighting and realizes it is in fact not his own. With an embarrassed blush and a small chuckle, he moves over a few steps to his own locker. 

“I knew that,” Asahi says quietly as he twists the knob of his own combination, “I was just making sure... _you_ knew that.” Sure enough, his lock pops open and he’s met with his practice clothes. 

“What’s wrong?” Daichi asks again. He’s serious this time, which makes it even worse. Asahi sighs slightly, knowing he can’t get anything past his fellow third-year friend. Damn him and his observation skills. 

“I just didn’t get much sleep last night,” Asahi says as he tugs his uniform shirt off. “I was thinking about a lot and, I don’t know, I guess I must’ve had a bad dream or something and it woke me up.” 

Daichi frowns, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

_How can you be so evil but so nice at the same time?_

“No, I’m okay now,” Asahi says, fumbling to find the tag of his shirt. 

“You know you can call me if you ever need to, Asahi,” Daichi asks as he stands to start changing himself. Asahi hesitates to answer, knowing he’ll get a mouthful of teasing if he admits to calling Nishinoya instead. He can hear it already, Daichi’s shit-eating grin as he says the libero’s name in an annoyingly taunting way. Probably following up with some suggestions on how they should _get married and live happily ever after_. Asahi’s come to the conclusion that Suga actually _is_ starting to wear off on him. 

Granted, he knows Daichi takes his anxiety attacks more seriously than that, and he most likely won’t actively tease him about calling Nishinoya. But Asahi knows damn well he’ll be _thinking_ it.

“It was really late at night, I didn’t want to bother you.” 

It’s _partially_ the truth, enough so that Asahi doesn’t stammer trying to say it. Daichi isn’t convinced. Asahi feels a little sorry for the captain's future kids who will most likely never be able to get away with anything. Asahi can only hope Suga is the second parent in that ordeal, their kids deserve to have something akin to a social life that Detective Sawamura Daichi doesn’t completely govern over. 

Asahi snaps out of this aimless thought process and realizes he completely missed what the man in question had said. 

“Sorry what? I zoned out.” Asahi says. Daichi scowls slightly and Asahi bites the urge to laugh. 

“I was asking,” Daichi huffs, arms crossed over his bare chest (Asahi kind of wishes the boy would just put on a damn shirt before attempting to hold a conversation), “if you at least called _someone._ I know how those nights can be for you, Asahi. I was just hoping someone was there to help.” 

Asahi smiles a little. As overbearing as the strict captain can be at times, he cares in a way he doesn’t try to hide.

“Yeah, I did.” Asahi says. 

“Really? Who?” 

Remembering the night before, Asahi glows brightly. 

“U-Uh,” Asahi stutters, face getting even redder as he fumbles with a hairbrush in his hands, “Nishinoya...” 

_I should’ve kept it to myself,_ Asahi regrets admitting to that soon after seeing the pestering grin that mopped Daichi’s face in the blink of an eye. He thinks he gave the captain too much credit with his earlier statement. He won’t just _think_ it, like hell Daichi would pass the opportunity to tease his best friend. 

“Oh,” Daichi smirks, “I see.”

“Don’t say it,” Asahi groans, pressing his forehead to the locker as Daichi laughs. 

“I wasn’t saying anything.” 

“You were thinking it,” Asahi grumbles. 

“Thinking what?” 

“Let me guess,” Asahi tugs his pants up, “you were going to make some random suggestion about how I should confess to him, then probably put on some annoying voice pretending to be me confessing to him.” 

Daichi raises his brows and hums a bit. “Wow, you’re good.” 

“I won’t do it,” Asahi says as he ties the jaw string to his shorts and picks up his knee pads. 

“You’re hopeless.” Daichi sighs.

“You’re one to talk.” 

“Shut up.” Daichi huffs and (finally) tugs his shirt on. 

“So, how _are_ things going with you and Suga?” At the mention of his name, there's a smile that comes to Daichi’s face. 

“Good.” He states simply. Asahi quirks a brow. 

“Good? Just good?” 

Daichi rolls his eyes a little. “Shut up, I’m making progress.” 

Asahi snickers in a way that somehow tells Daichi he doesn't believe that statement one bit, “Okay, how about if _you_ confess to Sugawara, I’ll confess to Nishinoya.” 

Azumane Asahi has been alive for eighteen years, and in those years, he’s seen and endured a whole lot, has had a lot of regrets and mishaps, and a surplus more of failures and successes; but there is _nothing_ in the world he regrets more than what he just said to Sawamura Daichi. He almost wishes he had some sort of special ability to go back in time, not by days or even years, just to a few seconds before that unthought-out proposal left his lips.

He’s screwed. This might truly the end. He had a good eighteen years, but he will be passing away now. 

Asahi quickly pales, and thinks for a second that maybe there’s still hope, there has to be. Surely Daichi won’t be able to tell Sugawara how he feels any time soon. Surely he knows that was a half-assed proposal that held absolutely no merit. _Surely_ he knows that that sudden, over-confident request was an outright mistake that Asahi has no intention of staying true to. 

But Daichi grins in the way that tells Asahi he has _every_ intention of holding him to that, and now Asahi feels a little dead inside.

“Deal.”

* * *

* * *

“Oi! Azumane-san!” A familiar voice seizes the attention of Asahi as he walks down the halls, halting near his classroom door, he turns to see his science lab partner rushing to catch up to him. Asahi smiles kindly. 

“Oh. Hey, Tetsutera-san, how are you?” 

The boy who makes a full stop in front of Asahi, formally known as Tetsutera Nijiro, is around his height, with a head of unusually pigmented red hair (Asahi has wondered for a while if the color was natural, though he chose not to ask since he didn’t personally know the boy that well). Tetsutera was one of the only kids in his science class that _didn’t_ recoil in intimidation when paired with Asahi. For that, Asahi has a little respect for him. 

“I’m good today, how are you?” 

“Uh, I’m okay, so what's up?” Asahi asks, rubbing the nape of his neck as other students walk past him. 

“Oh, right! I was wondering if you’d finished up the first half of our assignment? I’ve been really busy with babysitting jobs so I hadn’t gotten around to doing it yet?” 

“Oh! U-Um, Yeah,” Asahi says, anxious at the sudden social interaction, Tetsutera waits patiently as Asahi shuffles his bag onto his side and digs the cluttered mess of other papers and materials. 

“Sorry to slack off,” Tetsutera laughs a bit sheepishly, “I really thought I’d have a little more time for it.” 

“It’s okay.” Asahi smiles as he pulls out the paper and checks it over before handing it to him. Tetsutera gratefully takes the paper, scanning over it. 

“Awesome!” He grins, “Thanks dude, I’ll do the second half of the project for both of us. I’m sure you’re busy with sports, anyway.” 

“That’d be great,” Asahi says quickly, not passing up an opportunity to do less work than he has to, “our practice schedule gets tighter every day, so it would be a big help.” 

“How’s that going, by the way?” Tetsutera asks, putting the paper into his bag. “I heard the volleyball club was pushing us back into the top-ranked schools?” 

Asahi nearly glows at the praise. It's a new (and welcomed) contrast to the usual talk around their team, miles better than constantly being referred to as that dreaded _“Flightless Crows”_ nickname that loomed over the club for years. Asahi smiles and nods. 

“Yeah! We’ve got some great first and second years on our team, we’re doing our best to make it to nationals this year.” 

Tetsutera ' _wow’s'_ under his breath and the laughs a little. “You’re pretty cool, Azumane-san.” 

Asahi goes red at the compliment, not used to being praised by his fellow classmates, and laughs a bit himself. 

“Thanks, Tetsutera-san. It’s not all me though, it’s mostly our younger members, they’re really devoted to playi—” 

“Asahi-san!” A sudden voice cuts him off. Asahi nearly jumps out of his skin at the loud noise, and those still lingering in the halls glare at the short second-year who belts his name. 

Nishinoya waves at him as he happily bounds over. Asahi is sort of convinced that his heart is manually controlled by Nishinoya’s smile. There is no other explanation for the vigorous pounding in his chest (other than being irrevocably in love with him of course, but it’s not like anyone was really asking).

“O-Oh, morning Noya,” Asahi responds and doesn’t doubt he could power the school with the amount of energy he just got seeing the boy. Asahi briefly turns back to Tetsutera. “I’ll see you in class later, Tetsutera-san,” Asahi says, Tetsutera gives a polite smile and takes his leave.

Nishinoya eye’s the boy as he walks away, coming to a halt when he reaches Asahi. “Who's that?” 

Asahi tilts his head confused, “He's my science partner. Do you know him?” 

Nishinoya's gaze stays fixated in the direction that Tetsutera left before he shakes his head and turns his pretty copper-colored eyes back up to Asahi. “Nope! Not at all!” 

Asahi snickers a little, “Nishinoya, you should get to class before you’re late.” 

He’s sure Nishinoya will be late anyway, the bell is to ring any second; and considering that Ennoshita has both Nishinoya and Tanaka on a tight leash when it comes to their grades (courtesy of Takeda-sensei), he'd rather not give the future third-year captain any more reason to scold a tardy Nishinoya.

“Wait, I came to give you something.” Nishinoya smiles cutely and Asahi wonders how he’s still alive after seeing it. Asahi blushes lightly. 

“Really? Um... What is it— oh...” 

It takes Asahi a good four seconds or so to process the position. It comes to him slowly. A gust of warmth, paired with something confectionery, bakery chocolate, or perhaps its strawberry taffy, floods his nose-first. Following that, is a gentle pressure around his waist, and soft hair tickling at his chin. 

And then it’s all Nishinoya. 

Asahi has both seen victims of Nishinoya’s embraces and been one himself. The boy has _no_ self-restraint, and for bigger people like Asahi, that normally isn't much of a problem. Though he could only imagine somebody like Hinata trying to uphold the force of Nishinoya’s full-frontal attacks. In complete honesty, when he agreed to be hugged he prepared himself to be thoroughly assaulted in the process. 

But it's different today. The most noticeable distinction being that the libero's feet are still planted on the ground. Unlike every other time when he dives in for an embrace and somehow manages to climb the full length of the person in the process. His small arms are tenderly wrapped around Asahi’s middle, he looks somewhat content standing there with his face pressed to Asahi’s chest like there _aren't_ people eyeing them in the hallway.

When Asahi does register the embrace, he heats up like a teapot. If this were some corny 90’s cartoon he’s almost certain there would be steam bursting from his ears. 

“I hope you feel better today.” Nishinoya’s soft voice hums against Asahi’s sweater, pulling back quickly before Asahi can get the chance to return the hug. Nishinoya’s cheeks are dusted red as he smiles brightly. 

“W-Well!” Nishinoya laughs suddenly, a bit too loudly for their proximity, “I’ll see you at practice!” 

He’s down the hall and out of view before Asahi can even get a word out. Spellbound and dazed near his classroom door, he waves a bit in the direction Nishinoya left, a smitten smile pushing against his red cheeks. 

“S-See you at practice... Noya.” 

* * *

* * *

“Asahi!” Suga shouts as he sets the ball high into the air. It’s one of the best sets he’s had since practice started. He shuffles back quickly, eyes locked on the suspended ball, hoping to gain enough momentum as the ball slowly starts to fall back down towards the court. 

A strong thrust of his legs and he’s bolting forward. He has to move quickly, or the ball will fall below the net. He bends his knees and jumps, gearing back his arm and hitting the ball _much_ harder than he had to. It smacks against Tsukishima’s arms, strong enough to launch him back, zipping right past a frozen Nishinoya and hitting just on the edge of the line before it goes out-of-bounds. Asahi grins when he stands tall. There’s nothing better than managing to hit a perfect spike. The gentle sting in his palm is proof of his accomplishment, and he finds his eyes searching the other side of the court for Nishinoya. 

It isn’t like he wants to see if he had impressed him, but he wants to see if he impressed him.

Unfortunately, Hinata obstructs his view of the libero, jumping high into his field of vision with stars in his eyes. 

“Asahi-san!! That was so cool! You totally just looked like Ushiwaka!! ”

Asahi smiles timidly in the face of such broad compliments. “O-Oh, thank you,” He says, quickly shuffling back into his position for the next rotation.

That’s what Asahi spends the entire 3v3 doing, hitting spikes with far too much power in hopes of impressing Nishinoya. He even thinks that Suga caught onto what he was trying to do because he started sending more and more spikes his way. The brute of Asahi’s attacks won them the majority of the sets, and when they were finishing up, he had to fight every instinct in his body not to glow seeing Nishinoya rush up to him. 

“Asahi-san!” Nishinoya shrieks as he pounces on the ace. Asahi laughs, stumbling forward a little. “Those spikes were so awesome! How'd you even do that! You cut right through those blocks like they were nothin'!!” 

Asahi thinks that it's starting to get ridiculous how much of an effect Nishinoya has on him. It’s the hundredth time today that Asahi’s been told he hit a good spike or that he looked cool, and sure it got him a bit flustered like it always did, but nowhere as weak as he gets hearing the words come from Nishinoya.

“I thought I’d rip an arm off if I tried to dig those out!” Asahi glances back at him with a smile and sees the libero with sparkling eyes, “Asahi-san! You’re so cool!” 

“O-Oh, u-u-uh, t-thanks, Noya,” Asahi says quietly. Nishinoya laughs from his back and when Asahi turns, he immediately sees both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi staring at him. Asahi blushes brightly as Nishinoya jumps down to go hound on Tanaka. Asahi pretends not to notice the know-it-all smirks from his staring teammates across the gym. 

He takes a few sips from his water and shivers feeling eyes watching him. He doesn’t even have to turn around to know who it is. This pestering aura has surrounded him one too many times for him to be unfamiliar with it. Asahi hesitantly glances behind him to see a grinning Suga. 

“Y-Yes?” Asahi asks.

“Someone went all out during practice today,” Suga says. He should’ve known that Suga would say something, Asahi gives him far too much credit sometimes, he’s no better than Daichi. 

“O-Oh? I did?” Asahi chuckles, “I guess I-I was just excited to practice.” 

Suga stares at him for a moment. Asahi has never felt so judged. 

A hand lands on Asahi’s shoulder and he nearly jumps out of his skin. When he looks to his left, Yamaguchi stands there with a kind smile. “You’re painfully obvious, Azumane-san,” 

How can someone be so brutal with such a supportive smile? 

“Can you not target _my_ arms every time you want to impress someone?” Tsukishima mumbles quietly as he walks up to take his water bottle, the sides of his forearms a bright and throbbing red. 

“A-Ah! I-I’m sorry!” Asahi says frantically as Suga laughs, patting his back. Tsukishima ignores his panicked apologies and sits down to do his stretches.

Yamaguchi turns back to look at the ace, “Why don’t you just tell him?” 

Asahi feels like he should keep count of how many times he’s heard someone ask him that same question. He’s avoided the answer so often, chalked it up to being terrified of rejection, and left it at that; and while rejection is a large factor in his reluctance, somehow it seems like more than that. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Asahi says softly, eyes straying over to Nishinoya who’s trying to balance his full weight on Hinata’s shoulders while telling him how good he did today, he’s so loud Asahi can hear him from across the gym. “It just isn't that easy.” 

Perhaps it is that easy. Perhaps it’s nowhere near as complicated as Asahi makes it out to be. Maybe it’s nothing more than walking over and saying ' _Nishinoya, I like you.'_

Conceivably, that’s what his teammates want him to do, or at least what they probably imagine Asahi will do when they tell him to confess; but to him, there’s a thirty-step process to go through before getting to those four words, and right now he’s too afraid to even _look_ at step one. 

“It could be,” Yamaguchi chimes in, Asahi turns to look at the first-year who (unlike his slightly brash best-friends) seems to be genuinely contemplating the situation Asahi is in. “Maybe you’re just thinking too much about what might go wrong, instead of what good might come out of it, you know?” 

Asahi looks back to Nishinoya, the libero’s wide smile, and his vibrant laughter. He catches Asahi’s gaze and those pretty brown eyes start to sparkle, and the apples of his cheeks flush red, and he smiles, the sort of smile that makes Asahi think maybe he _is_ just thinking about this too much. Like there’s nothing between them but a few feet and four short, simple words. 

_Can I really spend a whole lifetime with this locked up in me?_ Asahi thinks as he returns Nishinoya’s smile, looking away right after. 

“Yamaguchi, you’re so wise,” Suga says as the first-year blushes at the compliment. 

“O-Oh? Really? Thank you,” Yamaguchi smiles.

“Suga?” Daichi pulls the setter's focus from Asahi, “Can you help me put the net down?” 

“Of course!” Suga says, barely missing a beat between the question and his response. Asahi’s getting a little annoyed at always being told _he’s_ the obvious one. Nobody should be that excited at being asked to pack up a volleyball net, nor should they be practically _glowing_ while doing it. 

“You call me obvious,” Asahi mumbles, watching Suga fumbling with the ties of the net, his attention entirely on Daichi. 

“That’s a different level of obvious, Azumane-san,” Yamaguchi sighs with a disappointed shake of his head. Asahi laughs, picking his kneepads up and sitting to do his stretches. He probably shouldn’t have gone all out in practice, he feels like he just finished a real game. Then again, using his full strength with each hit did help him better coordinate how and when to best hit Suga’s sets. So, perhaps Asahi did get more out of it than a couple of compliments from their libero. Asahi almost sighs at the fact that he _really_ did all of that just to impress him, he’s further gone than he thought.

“Ryuu! You bastard! You promised not to say anything!” A scream ripples through the gym. Asahi looks up towards the two second years. Nishinoya’s face is brighter than Asahi’s ever seen it, from the very tips of his ears down to his neck. He looks over at Asahi like he’s expecting him to do something but Asahi just looks back in confusion when the already blushing boy gets even redder.

“I-I’m sorry! It slipped!” Tanaka cries out as Nishinoya tackles him. Nishinoya then attempts to strangle Tanaka Ryuunosuke. Asahi has no idea what they’re doing but he’s learned not to question it. 

“Nishinoya! Tanaka!” Daichi’s voice screams loudly, and when Asahi looks at him, it takes him a moment or two to discern the sight. 

Daichi’s short hair is tasseled every which way, his lips are red and just a tad swelled. Suga, who pokes his head from the storage closet right after, looks no better than him. In fact, he’s even more obvious, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, a red blush blankets his face as he adjusts the edge of his shirt. Anyone within a ten-mile radius could probably understand what they were doing. 

Rather than feeling the urge to tantalize either of them about the sight (which he definitely will at a later date), he feels oddly happy. At least now he won’t have to listen to Daichi’s hour-long rants about how _perfect Sugawara is._ Asahi smiles at the thought of them being happy together, along with not having to deal with the pain of their awkward flirting any longer (and being able to make fun of them in every way he knows how). 

“Save me, Dadchi-san!” Tanaka screeches as Nishinoya sits on his back, angrily yanking his jaw back. 

“Don’t call me that!” Daichi storms over, “Nishinoya! Off!” 

Asahi works at stretching out his sore legs, absentmindedly smiling in their direction. They’re certainly the most chaotic mess he’s ever met, even after all this time it still makes for an entertaining show. With visible irritation (and a little bit of begging from Yamaguchi), Tsukishima has to pluck the squirming goblin off of Tanaka’s back. His legs kicking in the air like some sort of feral animal. 

_Yeah_ , Asahi thinks with a smile as he watches the libero hiss, _he’s definitely the one._

* * *

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya jumps to a stop in front of the ace. Somehow, Asahi already knows what he’s going to ask. With a wordless smile, Asahi removes his bag and turns around, bending just a little. He hears Nishinoya’s giggling and then he’s climbing up onto his back like he's been doing for nearly a month now. 

“You know me so well,” Nishinoya says, taking Asahi’s bag and shrugging it onto his shoulder. Asahi shakes his head. 

“You’re getting too used to me carrying you home, soon you’ll forget how to walk.” He teases as they begin their journeys home. 

“If I forget how to walk, then you’ll _have_ to carry me. So either way, I win.” 

Asahi scoffs playfully, “Are you implying I’ll automatically carry you everywhere if you forget how to walk?” 

“Are you saying you won’t?” Nishinoya smirks a little.

“Oh be quiet,” He grumbles but smiles soon after hearing Nishinoya’s happy laughter. 

“You really were super cool today, Asahi-san,” Nishinoya rests his chin on Asahi’s head, arms tight around his neck. Asahi glances up at him but doesn’t see much other than the blonde streak of his hair. 

“You say that all the time, Noya,” Asahi snickers, “you know you can tell me when I suck, right?” 

“Yeah, but you never do,” Nishinoya hums, “You’re always cool, no matter what you do.” 

Asahi smiles, looking ahead.

“Thank you,” Asahi says, softly, “I think you were pretty cool, too. You dug out a lot of hard-to-get spikes from Tanaka. It was amazing to see.” 

Nishinoya squirms a bit on his back, “I wouldn’t say it was _amazing_ , but I think it was pretty cool, too. I’m kind of awesome, aren’t I, Asahi-san?” 

That might be one of Asahi's favorite things about him. The way Nishinoya somehow turns every compliment into, " _I know I’m amazing."_

Asahi loves his confidence. Sometimes he feels envious of it, but it isn’t very often he finds himself wanting to change when he’s with Nishinoya. Asahi usually finds himself yearning to be someone different, someone less nervous and afraid of everything, and when he’s alone with his own head it’s even more deleterious. But, when he’s with Nishinoya, he never finds the need to be anyone other than who he is. 

When he’s with Nishinoya, he likes who he is. 

“Yeah,” Asahi says softly, “you are, Noya.”

He sees Nishinoya retract his arm, and the fingers fumbling with his hair tie.

“What’re you doing?” Asahi chuckles a little, feeling his hair come undone. 

“Letting your hair down,” Nishinoya states. "You always wear it up, don't you ever get headaches?"

Asahi feels his hair falling down his shoulders, Nishinoya runs his fingers through it and while Asahi is definitely having a silent, internal mental breakdown from this, at the same time it feels very nice.

Nishinoya combs his fingers through his locks, gently untangling the kinks and through all of it, Asahi feels the need to stay quiet. Nishinoya brushes a few locks over his shoulder, tidying the look up a bit. 

“Let me see,” Nishinoya says, leaning over his shoulder in an attempt to see his face. Asahi, despite knowing he’s as red as a tomato, turns and meets his gaze. Nishinoya’s eyes get wider as he looks at the boy.

Quickly, Asahi turns his head forward again. A tense silence hangs between them and Nishinoya doesn’t speak for a little longer than the infamous overthinker Azumane Asahi felt comfortable with. 

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya eventually talks after a lengthy reticence. Asahi, not trusting his voice, hums in response. “You’re really pretty.” 

Asahi pauses, completely stops walking, thinks for a moment he might have even stopped breathing. 

“Asahi-san?” Nishinoya asks, peeking his head over Asahi’s shoulder. Then, Nishinoya laughs. His beautiful laughter floods Asahi’s head. “A-Asahi-san! You’re so red!” 

“S-Shut up!” Asahi says, somehow getting even more flustered, though this time it's more so out of embarrassment; but Nishinoya is smiling, and he’s laughing, too. And he’s beautiful while he does it. 

“You’re not used to compliments, are you?” Nishinoya nestles his chin into Asahi’s neck, he starts to walk again, hoping it might distract him from the heavy pounding in his chest.

“N-Not from you,” Asahi says quietly. 

“I compliment you all the time,” Nishinoya says confused. 

“A-Ah, I-I know, j-just,” Asahi starts to stammer, laughing a little apprehensively, “... not like that.” 

“Oh,” Nishinoya finally understands, “then, should I start calling you pretty more often?” 

Asahi lets out a quiet whine at the broad question, “N-Nishinoya...” 

The libero laughs softly in response. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Asahi makes no effort to protest, after all, it’s not like he minds being called pretty by Nishinoya.

Nishinoya comes to his own decision, continuing to absentmindedly comb fingers through Asahi's hair, brushing a few locks behind his ear, “In that case, you’re really pretty, Asahi-san.” 

Asahi sighs softly. There are quite a lot of sides to Nishinoya Yuu that Asahi has picked up on the two years he’s known him. His loud side (the one Asahi knows the best), what he’s like when he’s angry, he’s even been familiarized with sad Nishinoya (his least favorite) once or twice before. Needless to say, he loves every side of Nishinoya because, at the end of the day, they make him who he is. 

The only part of Nishinoya that he hasn’t been presented with is this one. Perhaps it's because he's tired, or maybe it's because he's caught up in whatever mood that was created between them; regardless of the purpose, Nishinoya speaks every word with the most winsome drawl to it, every touch is delicate. Every breath, action, and phrase Nishinoya uses is tender and soothing, from the pretty smile adorned upon his blushing face, all the way down the fingertips that coil a strand of his hair.

“You want me to pass out?” Asahi teases, hoping to lighten the intimate mood. 

“That'd be kinda funny,” Nishinoya jokes, “but then I would fall. And you promised not to drop me.” 

“You’d fall on _me_ , surely you won’t get hurt.” 

“But you’d get hurt,” Nishinoya reasons, then yawns.

“Then I guess you have to promise not to let me fall, okay?” Asahi says. He hears Nishinoya’s weary laugh, his hand slowly stops combing through his hair, and his arms wrap around him again. He hugs his chest to Asahi’s back closely, buries his face in the boy's neck, and closes small arms around his shoulders.

“Okay, I promise.” He mumbles, breath tickling at Asahi's neck.

Asahi pauses for a moment, feels something especially delicate wrapping around the edges of his heart. Makes him want to jump up and touch the moon while seizing every star along the way just for him. It’s absurd, so ridiculous it makes Asahi want to laugh, but he thinks maybe this is just what love is. A word right on the tip of his tongue but he can’t say it because it just doesn’t feel strong enough.

“... Noya?” 

There's a quiet, drowsy hum in response.

Asahi suddenly thinks that he has to do this now. He’s been carrying this around for too long that even if he is rejected, he'll be satisfied with at least knowing that Nishinoya knows. If Nishinoya knows and still doesn't feel the same way, then there isn't anything more Asahi can do and maybe he can even start to move on. 

“I love you.” The words slip from his lips in a scared whisper, his voice is unwilling to rise above a certain volume so he does his best with what he can do. It doesn’t feel like enough, it isn’t everything Asahi wanted to say, there are so many things he doesn’t even get the chance to think about because he’s too afraid of what Nishinoya’s reply might be. 

Nishinoya isn’t saying anything and Asahi is starting to panic.

“N-Noya?” 

Asahi glances back and stops walking. He pauses, sighs a little, then he smiles. 

_He’s asleep_ , _he probably didn’t even hear me._

He hears Nishinoya’s soft snores and shakes his head. He wonders if this _confession_ meets the Daichi criteria and could get him out of that awful deal he made earlier. After all, he did confess. Daichi never said Nishinoya had to hear him. 

It’s both a relief and a minor disappointment but if anything, it was only majorly anti-climactic. Asahi pushes it away, feeling a little happy that he was able to say the words at all, perhaps he should’ve given himself a little more credit.

Asahi walks the rest of the way in silence. 

* * *

* * *

  
A sudden ringing snaps Asahi out of his trance. He must’ve zoned out while trying to study, something he's been doing far too often lately. Half filled out papers and textbooks lay marooned on his desk, uncapped highlighters, and a neglected pencil still resting between his fingers.

He yawns and stretches, back stiff from hours sitting of an uncomfortable desk chair, he should really get some rest. He glances over at the clock. Two a.m already. Asahi brings his attention back to the ringing he hears, and when he finally gets his brain to start functioning again, he realizes it’s his phone that’s making the obnoxiously loud noise. He pulls his phone out of his hoodie pocket. Nishinoya's contact flashing on the screen.

Asahi answers quicker than he’d like to admit, but he’s only met with silence. 

“Noya?” Asahi asks, confused. He leans back in his seat, combing his fingers through his brown locks that fall around his shoulders. He hears Nishinoya’s breathing, so he definitely knows that he’s there. “Are you okay?” 

“Hey, Asahi-san,” He finally heard the boy's voice, it’s soft, barely above a whisper. His words are quiet and hesitant like he’s thinking much too hard about them.

“Hey?” Asahi says attentively, “Is everything okay? You usually don’t call this late.” 

Not like Asahi minds it, if anything he’s just happy to hear his voice (and that he has a proper reason to neglect his studies).

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Nishinoya sighs slightly, Asahi frowns, quickly detecting the somber expression in the libero's voice. He must’ve just woken up, given the rasp in his voice. “I just had a bad dream.” 

Asahi stands, phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder as he closes up his textbooks. 

“It must’ve been bad for you to call,” Asahi says softly, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

There is no response on the other end. It’s so still that Asahi has to pull the phone away to check if the boy was still on the other line. He's stacking his textbooks and flicking off his lamp when he finally hears another quiet rustle. It really must’ve been severe to have Nishinoya like this.

“It was just...” Nishinoya whispers, voice chalked to the brim with emotion, Asahi pauses for a second hearing him. The energetic libero that he’s no doubt in love with, the same one who can’t go three seconds without doing or saying something unbelievably awe-inspiring, sounds just a little more lost than he usually does. “It was a lot.” He chokes out.

Asahi sits down on his bed, falling back onto the pillows. 

“You can tell me anything, Noya.” Asahi assures. He puts the phone on speaker so he can better hear the boy's words, laying it on his chest as his eyes follow up to the ceiling. Any desire for sleep had vanished.

“I know,” Nishinoya says, “It was... just a dream about something that happened a while ago. I know we're way past it, it, it just, it kind of, I... I don’t know,” He stammers before he stops himself, “It just randomly... came back to me, for some reason.” 

Asahi doesn’t have to ask what the dream was about. 

_I know we're way past it._

“Was it about the fight we had?” Asahi asks. Nishinoya’s end of the line goes quiet once again, Asahi finds his answer in Nishinoya's silence. He should’ve expected it, honestly. It’s not like he forgot about it either, it’s not like he ever _could_ forget about it. The month between their fight and Asahi’s return to the club was one of the worst month of his life. He couldn’t forget that even if he tried to (and he has _certainly_ tried to). 

“I know it’s kind of stupid,” Nishinoya groans, “and, I know it’s already fixed, but sometimes, I just can’t... _not_ think about it.” 

“I know,” Asahi says, a heavy feeling in his chest, “I think about it a lot, too.” 

Asahi’s gotten into many petty arguments with people before. He can’t count the number of times he and Daichi bickered over something silly, or how many times he got caught up in a dispute between members of his family, immature and light-hearted remarks passed between close friends during small disagreements. Never anything Asahi couldn't move past before. But, the argument he had with Nishinoya, the one that sounds so ridiculous when he thinks back on it now, that argument still taints his mind. 

“Why can’t I stop thinking about it?” Nishinoya's voice clouded in frustration and hurt. Tears prick the corners of Asahi’s eyes at the ache steeped into Nishinoya's tone. He wishes he had the answer or even the right words to say, but he can’t think of anything that could genuinely make Nishinoya feel any better, if anything he's afraid he might say something stupid and unintentionally make the situation worse. 

“I just...” Nishinoya lets out a nervous sigh, and Asahi just listens to him talk. He thinks it might be what Nishinoya needs from him right now. “I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t—” 

“You can tell me,” Asahi cuts him off, his brown eyes stare into the endless black void of his ceiling. “You can tell me anything.” 

Another silence. 

Another breath. 

Another moment of regret bubbling to the surface of Asahi’s heart when he thinks back to that day in the storage room.

“I know it was only about volleyball,” Nishinoya starts hesitantly, “I know it was just... both of us being sensitive, but... well, I-I don’t really know how to say it,” Nishinoya laughs embarrassed, voice hoarse and tight.

"Take your time, Noya," Asahi says softly. "I'm here." 

There's a tense beat of silence, Asahi waits patiently for Nishinoya to share how he feels. He hopes he can be there for Nishinoya in all the ways Nishinoya is there for him.

“I... met you over volleyball. If not for that, I wouldn’t have met you at all. So, that day outside of your class, before I got suspended...” Nishinoya takes a deep breath. 

“When you turned and walked away... I felt like... like you were walking away... from _me_. Our friendship. Everything that led me to meet you, to you being my teammate, my friend, my--” Nishinoya makes a sharp stop. 

There’s an anxious silence as Asahi takes the words in. The words and feelings he knows Nishinoya has been carrying around with him these past few months. 

“I felt like you had given up on more than just volleyball. I felt like you gave up on me, too.” 

Asahi frowns deeply, the miserable feeling in his chest gets worse. These are Nishinoya’s concerns, his nightmares, his fears. Asahi wants to hear them all and hopes that getting it off his chest will make Nishinoya feel even a little bit better. 

Asahi wants to know about everything hurting him, even if that _thing_ is him. He knows it’s probably just as hard for Nishinoya to say as it is for him to hear. 

“I’m sorry,” Nishinoya sighs, “I know it wasn’t that deep, I jus—” 

“No,” Asahi says before the boy can say anything more, “I understand.” 

“You do?” 

Asahi inhales slowly, thinks about his next words carefully, and exhales. He’s not good with words, or comforting, or reassurance. Nine out of ten times he's already got his hands full dealing with himself.

He’s especially awful with confrontation, even more so if that confrontation involves talking about deep and personal feelings, but just this once, he thinks he has to at least try. 

“I never really apologized to you,” Asahi says through a shaky exhale, making sure he says the right thing and hopes that it at least _slightly_ soothes the aching in Nishinoya's heart. “I guess I thought I had gotten out of having to talk about it, I kind of just wanted to leave it in the past and move on, but... maybe it was selfish of me to do that.” 

“No,” Nishinoya cuts in gently, “I know how you are when it comes to things like that.” 

“That’s no excuse,” Asahi says, unwilling to justify his own cowardice with " _that's just how I am_."

“Back then, I was so wrapped up in my head with being the perfect ace, a representation of our team. I think I forgot why I even kept going with volleyball in the first place.

“Why’s that?” Nishinoya asks. 

“You.” 

There's a beat of silence. A bit awkward and sudden but now is no time to be a coward.

"What?" Nishinoya asks softly.

“I kept playing... because, well... you motivated me, Noya. Or, I guess inspired is a better word.” 

“... I did?” Nishinoya whispers. Asahi smiles. 

“Yeah, you did. Everytime I saw you try your best to _be_ the best, I always felt like I had to do something too, like I couldn’t be left behind.” 

“I never knew,” Nishinoya laughs, and it’s lighter than before. 

“I-I didn’t want to really say it, it... it always sounded really cheesy in my head.” Asahi chuckles, embarrassed. 

“Wait, then... why did you leave?” 

Asahi frowns, “It was complicated, after that match I just started overthinking my place on the team. After enduring so much practice, seeing you work so hard during that match to make up for my mistakes, I didn’t really feel worthy of being on the court.” 

“Asahi-” 

“I know now,” Asahi adds quickly before the libero can scold him for having such thoughts, “I know that it was all in my head, but, back then I didn’t think about it as leaving you behind. I... I—I don't know, I guess I just really thought that not having me on the team would somehow make you stronger? ... I.. I never meant to hurt you."

“Asahi-san, I will _always_ need you,” Nishinoya says with a shaky sternness to his tone. Asahi feels his heart swell, the threat of tears burning behind his eyes all over again. He hadn’t realized that this was what he needed too. This feeling, this conversation, this tremendous vulnerability that for _once_ doesn’t scare him. 

“I’ll... I'll always need you, too, Nishinoya,” Asahi says through a shaky exhale, because he has to let Nishinoya know that he’ll never walk away from them again. That he’ll spend his entire life chasing after volleyball if it means holding onto what made them, _them._

“And I’m sorry,” He says, “for everything that I said and did.” 

“Promise you’ll never walk away from me again...” 

Asahi's fingers curl around the edge of his comforter. He sometimes wonders why he had to be the one to fall in love with Nishinoya.

Nishinoya is free, he’s beautiful, he’s somehow all of the things Asahi _wants_ to be but isn’t. But there are moments, like this one right here, that he doesn’t question why, and instead finds himself thankful that of all the people in the world, he was the one given the privilege of loving Nishinoya Yuu.

“I promise.” Asahi whispers. 

“...Okay,” Nishinoya says, “You can’t break a promise.” 

“I wouldn’t even think of it.” 

“Good.” 

“Noya?” Asahi asks. 

"Yeah?" Nishinoya responds.

“I think there’s still one thing we have to do.” 

“Huh?” He questions, “What is it?”

“Get dressed and meet me out front of the gym?” Asahi asks, sitting up. He hears Nishinoya's beautiful laughter for the first time in that thirty-minute call, and just like that, all the weight on Asahi’s shoulders had slipped off and dissolved into nothing. 

“Asahi-san, it's way too late to be outside.” Nishinoya titters quietly. 

“We've got to do it, just trust me, okay?” Asahi smiles. It's quiet for a moment on the other end, then he hears a small chuckle.

“Okay.” 

* * *

* * *

“Be careful,” Asahi says softly, the light of his phone being just enough for Nishinoya to align the screwdriver with the screw. 

“Why can’t we turn on the light?” Nishinoya grunts softly, brows furrowed into a concentrated line as he tries to jam to screwdriver into the grooves of the screw. Asahi bites the urge to laugh a little. 

“We’ll get in trouble if someone knows we’re here so late,” Asahi says quietly, “here, let me help.” 

“No I can do it, I'm the one who pushed you,” Nishinoya grumbles, still attempting to force the screw in to no avail, “I can... do... this-- why won’t it go in?” 

He quickly resorts to pouting, shoulders slump in defeat, surrendering to the stubborn screw. Asahi laughs gently, setting his phone down and carefully taking both the broom and the screwdriver from the pouting libero. The light of his phone is just barely illuminating their surroundings but thankfully it's bright enough for them to see.

“I’m the one who stepped on it,” Asahi says, “I’ll fix it.” 

Nishinoya sits quietly beside him, watching him twist the screwdriver between his fingers. His eyes wander up Asahi’s hands, at the fuzzy black sweater he's wearing, then up to his face. Nishinoya lips turn upwards at the corners. It's warm in here, beside him.

Everything always feels safe when Asahi is beside him. 

Asahi grins proudly, “there, all done.” 

Nishinoya looks down at the broom, the metal connector holding the two broken ends together, successfully screwed in place. Nishinoya looks back at Asahi and sees the boy already looking at him.

“Now it’s stronger than it was before, right?” Nishinoya asks. There’s a beat of silence between his words and the careful eyes that lock with his. 

“Right.” Asahi whispers. 

“Can I ask you something, Asahi-san?” Nishinoya asks nervously, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he does his best to look anywhere except at Asahi's face. 

"Oh? Of course, what is it?" Asahi asks confused. 

“That... boy, the one with the red hair outside your class today?” Nishinoya slowly says like he’s unsure how to properly word his _question_. “Is... uh, is he the person you've got a crush on?” 

It takes Asahi a moment to process exactly what Nishinoya is asking, but he nearly chokes when he catches on. 

“O-Oh god, Tetsutera-san? N-No, no, he’s only my science partner.” Asahi laughs a little, a bit embarrassed at the conversation (and the fact that Nishinoya thought Asahi liked Tetsutera, of all people). Nishinoya lets out a small breath and then he laughs a little embarrassed.

“Oh, okay!” Nishinoya beams a little, twisting the worn-down tassels of the broom between his fingers.

“Why do you ask?” Asahi questions, watching the nervous libero avoid eye contact once again. 

“Just wondering!” Nishinoya says loudly. Asahi flinches at the unexpected volume.

“Sorry,” Nishinoya adds sheepishly, “I... was just wondering, you two seemed pretty close.” 

Asahi hums a little, not fully believing his reasoning but unwilling to press him further, “if you say so.” 

“Uh,” Nishinoya continues, swirling the tassel between his fingers, tying it into a small knot, and then fumbling to untie it quickly after. “Is... Is your crush a boy?” 

Asahi hesitates, he sees the sudden blush that flourishes on his face under the weight of Asahi’s silence, spreading over his nose and down his jaw. Asahi is brought back to his earlier thoughts, the ones that swarmed his head back in the gym.

_Can I live my whole life with this locked inside of me?_

“Yeah,” Asahi admits quietly, “it is.” 

Nishinoya’s pretty red blush worsens, and he laughs softly, seemingly just as disconcerted about this conversation as the feeble-hearted ace. 

“O-Oh, that’s cool,” He says happily, “well, I, uh, you should tell him, you know... how you feel.” 

Asahi's eyes travel over to the fixed broom between them and linger there for a few seconds. The feeling he had on their walk home yesterday hits him yet again, he thinks he recognizes it as bravery. 

He has to do this now. He has too or he might never get the chance to again. 

“I should,” Asahi says softly, Nishinoya looks at him expectedly, brown eyes sparkling with anticipation, almost like he already knows everything Asahi is about to say and is just waiting to hear the words for himself. “I was just scared... that I would lose you if I did.”

Whenever Asahi thinks too hard about something it almost _always_ becomes too difficult for him to do; but when Nishinoya looks at him with those eyes, those russet orbs that start to gleam with long-awaited realization, Asahi kind of feels like he could take on the whole world if Nishinoya needed him too. 

“... Asahi-san?” Nishinoya asks, shuffling an inch or two closer. 

_Here it comes._

“Yes?” Asahi asks, bracing himself for impact.

“Is... it me?” 

A year and a half of pining all boiled down to one single question.

For some reason, Asahi isn’t afraid right now.

He isn’t nervous. He isn’t hesitant. He thinks like he should be, though. He feels like there’s a whole lot of things to be scared of right now, he knows he should probably be freaking out, but he isn’t; because how can he be scared of anything when Nishinoya's brown eyes brim with so much hope that it almost feels like nobody else in the world exists right now except for him. 

Asahi smiles, “it was always you.” 

_From the second I met you_ , Asahi wants to add but doesn’t. He lets Nishinoya process what he’d said, he knows if it were him being told this he'd probably be having an internal mental breakdown (not to say that he isn't having one now, despite being the one admitting toit).

Suddenly, Nishinoya's shock starts to fade. He's blushing brightly, but he doesn’t try to hide it, an aching grin stretches on his lips. “Finally.” 

Asahi blinks once and then twice, mouth parted slightly, unable to utter much except for a partially stable: "Huh?"

“O-Oh! Sorry! It's just... " Nishinoya looks to be trying so hard to holds back an even bigger smile than the one already adorned on his face. "I’ve been waiting for you to confess to me for months. I actually thought it might take a little longer. I mean I was totally prepared to wait—” 

“Y-You… You knew that I liked you?” Asahi asks in shock. Nishinoya giggles again, and Asahi doesn’t know if he should laugh with him or admit to feeling like a complete idiot. 

“I did! Well, kind of,” Nishinoya replies shyly, “I mean, I _thought_ that you probably did for a while. I was going to confess to you a few weeks ago," Nishinoya's eyes trail away from Asahi's, his face colored and bright when he fumbles with his fingers, "But then Suga said you liked someone, and I saw you talking to that boy outside your class so I kind of I thought you like him instead, but I-I don't know, you kind of gave mixed signals sometimes, and—” Nishinoya takes a deep breath and laughs nervously through his exhale, “Y-You really know how to keep a boy waiting, Asahi-san.”

Asahi gawks at him dumbstruck, “I-I’m... I'm so stupid.” 

“Maybe,” Nishinoya laughs, “but, I didn’t confess to you either so I guess I’m also pretty stupid.” 

Asahi looks at Nishinoya and frowns a bit, he’s happy, he’s so happy, but he also feels so incredibly foolish that he had spent all that time trying to hide his feelings for Nishinoya, and the boy seems to have already known. 

“I mean it's kind of funny actually!" Nishinoya exclaims nervously, he's doing his best to keep up his enthusaim and not panic amid this level of confrontation, "the amount of times I kissed the back of your head and you never even noticed!” 

“Y-You what?!” Asahi turns red. 

Nishinoya snorts a bit and shifts his legs around until he's sitting on them, his back straight to gain a bit of height as he shuffles a little closer to Asahi. Nishinoya’s smile, even in the dark room, seems to light up everything around them

“Did you never once question why I insisted on calling you every morning? Or walking home with you all the time? And the piggyback rides?! Come on, Asahi-san!”

“Shhh, N-Noya,” Asahi smiles a little, feeling his soul finally connect back to him as he gets over the initial shock of the discovery, “you’re being too loud.” 

Nishinoya gently reaches up, his hands tenderly resting on the sides of Asahi’s red face. The ace only glows brighter at the contact, melts like putty in his palms and doesn't feel embarrassed about doing so. 

“I like you, Asahi-san, a whole lot, okay?” 

Asahi sighs slightly and smiles, nodding. 

“I like you too, Nishinoya... a whole lot.” 

The libero's eyes hesitantly drop down the bridge of his nose, and then to his lips. It's quiet for just a second, Nishinoya is thinking about something so hard a crease forms on his brow. 

"What're you thinking about?" Asahi asks softly. Nishinoya's eyes quickly jump up to his again, he parts his lips to speak but then hesitates. Asahi waits patiently for whatever he has to say.

"Asahi-san?" Nishinoya asks softly. Asahi hums in response, noticing Nishinoya getting a little closer. "I'm... going to kiss you now, if that's okay." 

Asahi lets out a staggered breath, his words catch in his throat when he feels Nishinoya's breath against his lips. To think he's waited all this time just for this moment and as expected, he can barely utter a word. 

And because Nishinoya is impatient, and his heart is pounding so hard it's almost completely clouding his better judgment, and because he's so in love with Azumane Asahi he can't risk entertaining even a second's worth of hesitation; Nishinoya kisses him.

Asahi's eyes widen, the fear in his chest bubbles up in his stomach, swells up tight in his throat like a sudden spate of every thought he's ever had bursting up to his lips, and then disappearing into nothing. 

His eyes fall shut and his lips carefully press back to his. Nishinoya’s fingers curl around Asahi’s woolly sweater, tugging him just a little closer.

He tastes like sugar, like something sweet, and warm, and safe. His lips are soft, devoid of hesitance or fear.

Nishinoya kisses him like he’s in love. 

Asahi hopes Nishinoya knows that he’s in love, too.

Nishinoya is the first to pull back, warm breaths filtered between the two of them. Nishinoya is still close enough for Asahi to smell the warm scent of bakery chocolate and strawberry taffy.

There's a quick beath of silence and two equally red faces stare only inches from each other.

Then Nishinoya smiles, and so does Asahi.

He doesn’t tell Nishinoya he’s in love with him, not yet, not here; but for some reason, he doesn’t feel like he has to. Nishinoya laughs and presses his forehead to Asahi's and somehow, he feels like they both already know.

The libero's breathes are shallow and shaky, he wants to kiss Asahi again, and again and never stop. He briefly curses his lungs and their despicable demand for oxygen.

“I should’ve done this sooner,” Asahi chokes out his thoughts, as Nishinoyas glazed eyes stare at him with a feeling Asahi doesn't think he even deserves, “I-I was just—” 

“Scared?” Nishinoya smiles, then he nods, “I was scared, too.” 

“What if I ruin this?” Asahi blurts, unable to stop the parasitic fear that bites at the back of his mind. A consuming thread of _what if’s_ that keep wrapping around his head, because _god,_ he’s so happy right now that he can't stop himself from wondering: _"What if this doesn't last?"_

Nishinoya closes his eyes and brushes his nose against Asahi’s. He feels the smaller boys' eyelashes brush his, like Nishinoya is trying to ward away all of Asahi's thoughts and fears with one tender, loving act of affection. “you won’t.” 

“How can you be sure?” 

"Because," Nishinoya whispers, "you promised you wouldn't let me fall." 

Asahi's eyes begin to water and he lets out a shaky breath that narrowly resembles a laugh, blinking away the threat of tears because he doesn't want to make this moment sad.

He wants to ask Nishinoya when and how he figured out that he felt this way, but Asahi keeps it to himself because the last thing he wants to do right now is attack the boy with a plethora of questions.

He'll have time to ask all of that later, but for now—

“C-Can I take you out on a date, Noya?”

Nishinoya looks genuinely surprised at this, but then beams so brightly Asahi thinks he might go blind. Nishinoya practically squeals and throws himself forward, wrapping his arms tight around the ace, pushing them both back. 

“N-Nishinoya!—Ack!!” Asahi falls right onto the floor, his ears and heart flooded with Nishinoya’s laughter.

This feels good, feels like everything Asahi has wanted for the past year, feels like every last one of his fears and concerns melting away into nothing. 

“Only if we can go to an arcade!!” 

Asahi laughs, arms wrapping around the smaller boy on his chest, hugging him close just because he can, because he’s always wanted to.

“Anything you want, Noya.”

* * *

* * *

“I _really_ wish I was this tall,” Nishinoya groans half-heartedly, head tiredly resting on Asahi’s shoulder blade. Despite the wave of exhaustion that comes with seeing the clock on his phone flash to four a.m, he feels restless. In a good way, for once. Asahi’s chest feels light. He feels like he could run laps with the butterflies swarming his stomach.

Nishinoya’s arms are tight around his shoulders just like they always are when Asahi carries him, but this time he's not secretive when he kisses the back of Asahi's head, the ace can't help but like this type of newfound confidence.

“No, that’d be weird.” Asahi chuckles with a blush. 

“Weird for _you_ , it’d be awesome for me.” 

“You’re tired, Noya, go to sleep.” 

“Don’t wanna, I'm too happy!” Nishinoya practically jumps, Asahi almost drops him. 

“N-Noya, be careful,” Asahi said nervously. “You could die from this height if you fell from this height.” 

“Remind me why I like you?” Nishinoya grumbles, Asahi laughs softly.

“Oh,” Noya adds, “that’s why.” 

“What did I do?” Asahi asks humorously.

“Don’t worry about it, Asahi-san” Nishinoya hums with a yawn.

As they’re walking home, Asahi's eyes wander over to the grass, where he spots a small fleck of color. Curious, he walks over, a small smile claiming his lips when he notices what it is. Nishinoya peaks his face from over the boy’s shoulder. 

“Excuse me, kind sir? Why has my carriage stopped?” 

Asahi snickers, “Look.” 

It’s a small white daffodil poking up above the grass. Asahi fondly looks at it, reminded of the night he just had.

He can't count the amount of times someone has urged him to confess, but it never sounded as simple as they made it seem. For a moment there, he thought he might never muster enough courage to tell Nishinoya. But after today, he's left wondering why he didn’t do it sooner. Sure the thought is scary, terrifying even, but actually doing it isn’t all that frightening.

It feels like a single glance in his pretty brown eyes and two arms wrapped snug around his shoulders. It sounds like sweet words uttered on a quiet walk home and soft, seldom yawns caught in the comfortable breeze. It smells like the petals of a small white daffodil. 

Asahi carefully bends over, very cautious of the half-asleep libero on his back, and plucks the flower from its stem. 

“I was afraid I would never be able to tell you how I felt,” Asahi admits his thoughts, Nishinoya lifts his head and rests his chin on Asahi's shoulder. “That I would graduate and... maybe even risk never seeing you again.” 

"That’s not true,” Nishinoya stretches a little before tiredly slumping down again, “even if you didn't feel the same, I was planning to at least confess before graduation." 

Asahi chuckles, shaking his head. 

“You're amazing, Nishinoya,” Asahi turns his head and sees the sleepy boy, he leans over and gently kisses his cheek just because that's something he can do now, feeling Nishinoya smile underneath his lips. Asahi pulls away, lifts the flower, and tucks it behind Nishinoya’s ear.

“Mhm,” Nishinoya laughs a little, voice drowsy, “am I pretty?” 

Asahi smiles, “beautiful.” 

He turns and starts walking again, back home, ready for things to return to normal. A new normal. One where he doesn’t have to hide anything, where he can look at Nishinoya and maybe one day tell him he’s in love with him.

Asahi doesn't want to rush anything, because Nishinoya knows, and that alone feels like enough for now.

“I’m gonna go to sleep.” Nishinoya whispers, sounding like he’s teetering just on the edge of consciousness. Asahi nods. 

“Okay.” 

“Don’t drop me, okay?” 

Nishinoya nestles his head into Asahi’s neck, eyes fluttered closed. Asahi glances at him and then he smiles, nodding. 

“I won’t, Noya...” Asahi looks ahead, “I promise.”


End file.
